There is a mental battle going on in my mind right now. The Buffalo Sabres are currently sitting in 13th place in the East and getting shittier by the day. While I hate to see my father, a Buffalo sports fan suffer more than he already has, I smile. I smile because that means that Steve Ott is in 13th place and getting shittier by the day. I along, with most NHL fans hate Steve Ott. In fact, I’m pretty sure Steve Ott hates Steve Ott. He wakes up every morning, looks at himself in the mirror and then punches his reflection. It costs him a fortune in mirrors. Steve Ott is the biggest asshole in the NHL.
At this point, you might be shaking your head and saying "You’re wrong John, [name] is the biggest asshole in the NHL." To which I say, why are you talking to your monitor? Nobody can fucking hear you, try typing, it works better.
Below, I have selected some of the NHL’s assholes in hopes that we can get some hard data about who reigns as asshole supreme. Granted, I will miss a few. If I put "The entire city of Detroit" down, it would just be a landslide.
Steve Ott- I hate Steve Ott and I hate that I hate Steve Ott. You see, Steve Ott wants you to hate him. That’s his goal. Boo’s probably give him an erection. So really, disliking Steve Ott is making Steve Ott happy. Which is horrible, because what the fuck are we supposed to do? Like him? Steve Ott is the Catch 22 of the NHL.
Jeff Carter- Carter gets traded to Columbus, an awful team. Does he accept the challenge to turn things around? Of course not, he’s fucking Jeff Carter. So, he whines like a little bitch until he gets traded to the Kings. I’m sorry, but Jeff Carter is an asshole. A skilled asshole, but an asshole all the same. And while, Columbus is awful, he could have handled that entire situation better.
Raffi Torres- After sending a few players to the emergency room for blatant hits to the head how could I not include Raffi Torres on this list? But that’s not the worst of it. The worst part is that "Who? Me? What the fuck did I do?" attitude. Like he has no control over the fact that he basically tried to kill Marian Hossa.
Corey Perry- Even the most hardcore Ducks fans can admit that Corey Perry is an asshole. But, those run ins with goalies because he forgot how to stop don’t really sit well with opposing fans. He’s just kind of a dick.
Alexander Burrows- Alexander Burrows has a stupid bitch face.
Patrick Kane- If the depressing pictures of him walking down the street trying to look conspicuous in the brightest fucking green shirt on the planet didn’t make me laugh so hard I would probably hate him more. Not to say that he’s not an asshole. Let’s not forget that whole beating up a cab driver over 10 cents thing.
Ryan Clowe- Who the fuck plays the puck from the bench? Are you fucking serious? Seriously? That happened? What a dick.