FanPost

Week 13: El burrito de la victoria

I was in New Orleans last week for a couple of days for a sort of micro vacation. I haven't had a non-family related holiday for a while, so even with the usual airline bullshit, it was a nice break.

If you've never been to New Orleans, you're missing out on a really cool city. There are a ton of great restaurants, cool bars, and a shocking amount of musicians and music. But almost none of these things can be found in the place most tourists go in New Orleans, Bourbon Street in the French Quarter, or as I call it, Drunk Fishermans's Wharf.

The ride from the airport has a bunch of billboards for bars on Bourbon Street that all use a kind of frenzied font in bright colors. They either have oddly boring names like The Beach, or nightmare names like Chunder Cove and the Grope Locker ("THREE LOCATIONS ON BOURBON STREET!"). Because you can get liquor to go, many of these bars have kiosks or windows on the street for 22 year olds to purchase their kiddie version of alcoholic drinks, which are brightly colored and often come in novelty plastic containers.

The first time I was in New Orleans, I was shocked at how many kids were drinking something called a Hand Grenade, which comes in a neon green container that looks like a grenade and also has a straw, for fun. My asshole friend bought me one when I wasn't looking. It tasted like Smarties and cheap vodka, and I threw it away after one sip. As my Thunderbird experimentation phase shows, I am not against joke drinks, but this shit was vile, and being consumed en-masse by mostly teenagers and shitheads in their early 20s, but also by strange older couples for reasons I can't even speculate about.

This time around, I spent maybe 15 minutes on Bourbon St, which was about 12 minutes too much. I did see a bus, though, with a name painted on the side that pretty accurately describes a good cross-section of the people on Bourbon St.: Hotard.

Sazerac: the highest rated comment

The Sazerac cocktail is rye whiskey, bitters, and absinthe. It originated in New Orleans, and is one of the the oldest cocktails. Earl gets a Sazerac with his burrito for a thwarted state rape 'toon:

But Rudy also gets one, and Jack Johnson continues to be a punchline:

The Kings used to be synonymous with an object randomly careening back and forth, only stopping when it hit a wall, but then they traded Jack Johnson.

Pimms Cup: the best of the rest

The Pimm's Cup is my favorite cocktail. It's Pimms (an infused liquor), lemon juice, ginger ale, and cucumber. Rudy gets a Pimm's Cup with his burrito for his expert analysis of the Jens Ekman-Larsson and Adam Burish's awkward, fumbling steps toward physical intimacy:

I can see the 9 but Ekman-Larsson is doing a horrible 6.

Honorable mentions to:

Spade for still being intimidated by Jar's size:

> where’s jar jar? i figured he would have opinions on this sort of thing
Chopping down beanstalks and making jacks life a living hell

Diamondback15 pre-emptively mocks himself like a true veteran of this blog:

I was going to say no, I just don't like shitty music.
Then I remembered I like Nickelback.

Slotownsharksfan returns to the board with a pretty amazing white guy meme:

The Hand Grenade: the worst comment

I'm going to qualify this a little, as Latinoheat finally learned to stop posting his NAME as the subject line, and actually has been contributing some funny things, but before he stopped self-promoting like a tool he somehow came up with this:

Latinoheat...
um go kings go =/

So, glad you're learning to get along here, Latinoheat, and enjoy the delicious Hand Grenade/burrito combo.

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

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