FanPost

Week 15: El burrito de la victoria

ievans speaks to the DARE class, keepin' it real with the teenz.

ievans: Yo, teenz. I'm here to give you the straightest dope about dope. For reals. Twitter, sexting, etc.

Teenz: This guy clearly knows how to talk to us. Let's listen!

ievans: So let's get right to it, home slices. Your state-mandated DARE classes have given you all kinds of questionable facts about drugs and probably some super exciting videos to watch. These are all rad. But I'm not here to repeat all of that. That'd be super un-rad of me.

Teenz: You have our rapt attention, cool adult.

ievans: There are three things, and only three things you need to know about drugs.

Teenz: This sounds like the kind of over-simplification we're used to when adults talk to us about our issues!

ievans: For shizzle. First, if you want to "use" drugs, you're going to have to either interact with some incredible skeezy dumbasses, in places that are probably dangerous, so FIND A BOLD FRIEND NOW TO DEAL WITH THAT SHIT SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

Teenz: Solid!

ievans: Cool. Twitter. Now, second, STUDY HARD BECAUSE THE BEST DRUGS ARE KINDA PRICEY, AND IT'S MORE FUN TO DO THEM WHEN YOU'VE GOT MONEY.

Teenz: I'm inspired.

ievans: Neat! Ok, now the final, and most important point. DO NOT LOOK AT THIS GIF OF PATRICK MARLEAU WHILE ON ANY KIND OF DRUGS! It will ruin your life.

Teenz: This was sext. Thanks, ievans!

ievans: Totes no prob, teenz.

Pure MDMA: the highest rated comment

Holy shit, Meg. We have a new record!

The less Spade knows about how vaginas work, the safer we all are.

Fresh shrooms: the best of the rest

whine_country makes history come alive!

> My wife’s pregnant and I’m not the father. That was George Vancouver’s Nookie crisis.

So many good comments this week. Such grit and heart. Because it's the playoffs! And if any pencil-necked stat heads want to challenge me on this point, I'll listen carefully and see if your methodology is sound before deciding whether I should rethink things.

brokenyard wows us with some next-generation special effects:

Bruce Boudreau, with that trademark twinkle in his eye.

Jibblescribbits stops by to share Shane Doan eating pipe for Jesus.

Messenger of peace
I really wish you California folks could just forget all your differences and get along. So in that spirit here’s something all you Cali teams can enjoy: Shane Doan eating a face-full of iron:

Jer writes the saddest short story ever written:

Bruce Beardreau

Jesse Knutson breaks the Gordian knot of "when was Jennifer Connelley hottest?" with:

I would recommend Space Bowie from Labyrinth.
That chick is glam.

PCP cut with Barkeeper's Friend: the worst comment

Well, this was easy, despite some hilarious drive-bys from outside commenters unfamiliar with humor. Latinoheat channels Judson's enraged lizard brain, starting a chain of events that allowed Spade to burn down the BoC Reichstag and seize power.

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Battle of California

You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

Join Battle of California

You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker