Mr. Megalodon is a xenophobe, and so sometimes he insists that Dunn and I write posts such as "The Greatest American _____."
I'm not much of a fan of xenophobia, racism, or nationalism, but on the other hand I am desperate for a job. So unfortunately I have to sometimes humor horrible people like Megalodon with articles like this.
Dunn and Meg have both "discovered" their favorite US-born team members for their respective franchises in honor of the 4th of July. While this is a meaningless endeavor (because "USA-born" is both irrelevant and a world of difference from California-born -- which actually matters), I decided to take a look at the historical Ducks roster and see what we could find.
Here is the complete list of USA-born Ducks players:
Brown, Mike S.
Wow, there are a lot of big names on that list. Aside from the obvious players like Joe Sacco (a player best known for his stint with the Mighty Ducks), we have players like Todd Marchant, Bobby Ryan, George Parros, Jason Blake, Nick Bonino, Dan Bylsma, Ryan Carter, Bob Corkum, Paul Mara, Patrick Maroon, Kyle Palmieri, Dan Sexton, James Wisniewski, Ryan Whitney, Brad Winchester, and many other notable American-born NHL players, one name stands out above all:
Yes, Guy Hebert, the original Mighty Duck. The first ever Duck in the history of Anaheim NHL hockey.
Oh, what's that you say? "Guy Hebert" doesn't sound like an "American" name? Yeah, that's probably because you're a racist.
Megalodon is racist, Ryan Dunn is probably racist, and if you don't agree with me, you are definitely racist.
Guy Hebert was not only the first ever Mighty Duck (first pick of the 1993 NHL Expansion Draft), but he was also born in Troy, New York. For those not paying attention, New York is still considered part of the good ol' US [of] A. If you assumed that Guy Hebert, because of his ridiculous sounding name, was French-Canadian and not American, you are a god damn racist xenophobe, much like Megalodon.
So what say you? Who is your favorite historical US-born Duck? Are you with me, or are you with the deplorable racists that cohabitate this blog with me?
Yeah, I figured you were with me.
God bless you, Mr. Herbert.
And God bless America!