Keeping Up with Cloutier

Cloutier oddly photographed without a puck flying past him

Remembering a legend

The first year eligible potential Hockey Hall of Fame inductees came out recently, and there are a lot of familiar names. Specifically, a lot of Pacific division former players.

Paul Kariya, Rob Blake, Scott Niedermayer, Mathieu Schneider, Bryan Smolinski, Darryl Sydor, Alexi Zhitnik, and Sergei Zubov.

There's also a lot of known shitheads. Such as

Rob Blake, Chris Chelios, Kirk Maltby, Rob Blake, Brad May, Keith Tkachuk, Rob Blake, Darcy Tucker, Brendan Witt, and, former King, Rob Blake.

In fact, there are 25 former skaters that are first year eligible, with the list being right here.

However, there are only two goalies. One of them is Roman Turek (lololol). The other...


That's right kids, the one and only, Dan Cloutier!

Cloutier has an extensive resume of being in fights, getting hurt, and being beat by slap shots from halfway down the rink.


Dan Cloutier was also instrumental in the Los Angeles Kings Stanley Cup winning season by being a fucking awful goalie and letting the Kings stock up on high end draft picks. I guess you could say he was responsible for Drew Doughty, Slava Voynov, Wayne Simmonds (subsequently Mike Richards), and mi único Alec Martinez.

Okay, a few things to note:

  1. 6-0. Against Nashville.
  2. He speared Hartnell first.
  3. That's two potential Hall of Fame guys out there getting worked over by Nashville with Cloutier and Shitstain Blake.
  4. Haha Brian Willsie.
  5. Hahahahahahaha Barry Brust.
  6. Scott Hartnell probably deserved it, really.

Let's break down some Cloutier stats and comparable active netminders, shall we....

  • 139 wins to 142 losses, good for a 49.5% winning percentage
  • 15 shutouts in 351 games played, a shutout every 23.4 games
  • An 89.9% career save percentage
  • A slim 2.77 career goals against average, and a record year with the Kings with his GAA at 3.98
    • Khabulin and Ward have similar career numbers, as does every no-name backup goaltender (except Ondrej Pavelec, who is even worse).
    • Since 2006 when Cloutier debuted with L.A., in a single season, no goalie with over 20 games played has topped Cloutier's mark of 3.98 GAA. He's a real record holder.


If I was Winnipeg, I'd really be looking for a new goalie. And, yes, Cam Ward won you a Cup, Carolina. But holy shit, does he suck.

In a historical sense, goaltenders that were as statically atrocious as Cloutier and stayed in the league as laughably long as he did include Garth Snow, Kevin Weekes, and Marc Denis. One person that does top Cloutier in awfulness (and games played) though:


Thank you Jesus for this gift.

Anyways, what's Dan Cloutier been up to lately?

You can go home again even if you’re the butt of jokes. Former Canucks goalie Dan Cloutier was hired by the team to be their new goaltending consultant.

Knowing that their proverbial window may be closing, it's good to see the Canucks commit to the rebuild from the back out. I can think of no one better than Dan Cloutier to make sure your goaltending tanks.. He has my vote for the Hall of Fame, but as a "builder". The Lightning won a Cup shortly after his stint in Tampa. Vancouver was a perennial contender (except that they are a Canadian franchise doomed to fall short) once moving on past Cloutier. And again, the Kings won four short years AD (after Dan). The man is a hero.

God bless you Dan Cloutier.

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