Kings Gameday: Since You've Been Gone

This still hasn't gotten old - Jeff Gross

Taking stock of a past, failed relationship

The year was 2011 and the Philadelphia Flyers were one year removed from a Stanley Cup Finals appearance. The Flyers got swept in the second round during the past season's playoffs, but they also finished with 106 points, good for first in the Atlantic (which was once an impressive feat). Instead of trying to get a few more key players and keep the band together for another push, the Flyers opted to change the identity of their franchise and dump some of their core guys. i.e. Mike Richards and Jeff Carter. All in all, it seemed a bit like an overreaction.

Richards wound up in Los Angeles, Carter in Columbus. Carter definitely got the less desirable of the two locales as Columbus was (is still) an awful team and it's Ohio. Naturally, Jeff was not a happy guy. He had just signed a huge contract to play in Philadelphia, got dealt to a team that had no huge prospects of being a Cup contender, and was stuck in Columbus for eternity pretty much. Seeing how bad the situation was, Carter did the one thing he could do. What anyone would do. Our generation's greatest weapon. He whined. He complained. He moped.

And it worked. He got traded. To the Kings and Richards, no less. Yada yada yada, win a Cup. That's all common knowledge though at this point. What we didn't see was the real ugliness of Cartlumbous. Jeff Carter got the hot, supermodel team and got hitched. He moved to a nice, sunny neighborhood. He's important and respected at his job. Life is good. Columbus meanwhile has struggled. They say they have a younger, more talented goal scorer. That doesn't cover the fact that they moved conferences. Maybe distance helps? And they definitely haven't been staying up all night watching The Notebook over and over again while plowing through buckets of "Americone Dream", caressing their framed picture of Jeff, pleading for him to just give them another shot, one more chance Jeff, it will be different this time.

Well, if Columbus has been getting over their bad break up, they maybe shouldn't read this:

  • Columbus had only 16 wins last season. Jeff Carter had 8 game winning goals.
  • In the 2013 season, Jeff Carter led the Kings in goals with 26.
  • In the 2013 season, the Columbus Blue Jackets leading goal scorer was Mark Letestu with 13.
  • Jeff Carter with his 19 goals this season would be leading the Columbus Blue Jackets in goals.
  • Even with the Kings skull-fuckingly bad power play, Carter would be tied for the power play goal scoring lead in Columbus this season, and would have led the team in 2013.
  • Jeff Carter has 3 game winning goals in the playoffs for the Kings. Columbus, well...I guess that's not really fair.
  • Speaking of which, the Kings winning percentage since they added Jeff Carter is 60%.
  • Including a 66% winning percentage in the playoffs.
  • Columbus's winning percentage is an even 50%.
  • Jack Johnson.
  • Seriously, Jack Johnson and a first round pick for Jakub Voracek, Sean Courtier, and Nick Cousins is what that wound up as.
  • Thanks!




Jerk-Off 2014

Yesterday featured the Devils and Ryane Clowe, and despite getting less votes than Cam Janssen, is moving on regardless. Why? Cause I'm calling the shots here, and every election is rigged anyways. As for today, hey, a team that's actually playing against the Kings today! Yep, it's the Blue Jackets. They have some real notable butt-beads in Columbus, but you tend to forget about them. Mostly, well, because it's Columbus and they don't get a ton of exposure outside of the Columbus Necktie, or Columbus Sidecar, or Columbus pipe cleaner, or-never mind. Here we are:

James Wisniewski

Well, there was this, and then there was this. But there was also this, and that was pretty funny.

Brandon Dubinsky

Dubinsky has been a player that always plays pretty close to the edge. You know, the type of guy you fucking hate playing against because he runs you every chance he gets.

Jared Boll

"Me Boll. Boll punch! What hockey?" Boll is now the longest tenured member of the Blue Jackets. He's also been the team's assistant captain this year and dear god I can't even believe that. Get help, Columbus.

Jack Johnson

Hahahahahahaha, this fucking guy.

Prediction: Jeff Carter gets flattened by Jack Johnson as he tries to fight the tears. Johnson's dad remains unimpressed.




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