Kings Gameday: Endangered Species

Getting a face full of Gorilla Salad - Jonathan Daniel

This Gorilla Salad got tossed

The Los Angeles Zoo Kings took a bit of a hit this weekend with the departure of Daniel Carcillo. In exchange the Kings got peanuts back, which is a real shame seeing how much Carcillo loves peanuts. Ol' Carbomb didn't really do anything too noteworthy with the Kings during his short tenure here in southern California, and for that I am pretty thankful. And now I am sad to see the guy go. Because much like Dwight King, Daniel Carcillo is a great source of material.

Carcillo-rainbow_medium

via the best gif source ever, theroyalhalf.com

I said at the beginning of the season, Carcillo was likely going to be the second line left wing with Mike Richards and Jeff Carter. He was. Briefly. He scored a goal. He took a few dumb penalties. He took a lot more questionable penalties based more of reputation it looked like. Best of all, Gorilla Salad was put at the gorilla exhibit at the L.A. Zoo during the player meet and greet.

But alas, it is not meant to be. There will be no Congo 2. No stealing of princess and barrel throwing. No poop throwing either for that matter. No fishing for ants. No picking of lice. Okay, those last couple of things may all be happening, but just not with the Kings anymore. Though while he may never be Grodd, and was and will always be more of a Grape Ape, best of luck in the Big Apple, Danny. Just don't climb any buildings. I'm pretty confident he'll be fine with the Rangers. They do good with former pests of the Kings. Now, a parting ode...

Your long flowing locks,

Draped over like dirty old socks.

You toothless smiling wonder,

Countless neutral zone blunders.

The physical play we shall miss,

Along with perfume of piss.

Get the fuck out.

Good night, sweet prince.




Jerk-Off 2014

While Dustin Brown is now clearly the winner from the Kings since Daniel Carcillo got traded, Kevin Bieksa and Alex Burrows are still locked in a tight race. However, today we feature the Minnesota Wild. The Wild don't have the eye-popping amount of jerks that Vancouver may have, but they feature two heavy hitters. Here we go.

Matt Cooke

This guy...this guy is another player, where like Burrows and Carcillo, you just hate. He's performed some of the most notorious cheap shots in the game and has threatened opponents' careers with said cheap shots. He's turtled from numerous fights, and has won Stanley Cups despite being a shit-heel. One of the reasons I always make a big deal about Evander Kane is for the fact he lit up Cooke in the greatest display of karmic justice I have ever seen in hockey.

Dany Heatley

He killed a guy.

Mike Rupp

I'm sure he has done some stupid things, but most of all I hate his name. Rupp. Rupp Rupp Rupp. What a stupid name.

Jonathan Blum

This jerk made it to the NHL while I didn't, even though I clearly recall stopping him in our high school league on numerous occasions.

Prediction: Emma Watson is reportedly single now, so I'm guessing a hat trick by Trevor Lewis again.




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