Sharks Gameday: Yet Again

A Shark fights a King or a Duck or whatever - Stephen Dunn

The god damn Kings again? Seriously?

I have to confess something you guys. I'm not sure if I have any hate left to give.

For the third year in a row, the Sharks are facing the Kings in the playoffs, and by now I feel that I've made my feelings about the Kings and the city that supports them very clear. During this past season I also wrote at length about the newest entry into the Sharks-Kings rivalry books, the Dustin Brown - Tomas Hertl incident.

I hate and I hate and I hate...and now I may be empty. What more can be said?

Oh wait....wait I think I might have an idea....

Five ways the Kings are a lot like the Ducks

#1 Dustin Brown = Corey Perry

They're both overpaid little weasels, both basically just Sean Avery with better PR. Both have faces like dumb 3rd graders. Both get credit for their "leadership" from friendly fans and media that they totally don't deserve. Both love dog poop but, in a crucial difference between the two, Dustin Brown eats it while Corey Perry just collects it and uses it to fill his mattress.

#2 Kings fans = Ducks fans

Kings fans are, for the most part, ignorant assholes who actually care way more about the Lakers than they do about the Kings...and Ducks fans are exactly the same.

#3 Stupid jerseys

Black and white has always been a dumb and boring color scheme. It's tremendously lazy, lacks personality, and barely even qualifies as a design choice. The Ducks' jerseys aren't any better, featuring Halloween colors mixed with some kind of ugly shit-gold thing. Just terrible all around

#4 Los Angeles = Orange County

I've lived in both places for years. People who insist on there being a bunch of differences between "LA people" and "OC people" are just deluding themselves. Quit acting like people give a shit which crowded freeway you take to work, you over-tanned under-read fame whores.

#5 Undeserving

Come on, you fuckers. You've both already won a Cup. Give someone else a chance.


Prediction: Sharks beat the Kings in 7, the Stars in 6, and then lose to the Blackhawks in 5.

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