Kings Gameday: More Hockey!

what the hell is going on here? - Thearon W. Henderson

Why can't the Kings lose?

Hi everyone! At this point last week I thought I was going to be sitting at a pool in Vegas with a Mojito given the state of the Kings. Most of that is a lie actually, as I don't have any money so I would have likely been chugging rubbing alcohol behind a 7-11. But I did think the Kings were toast and I'd be on "vacation". But they're not! Hooray?

However, there is a large issue in place now: The Anaheim Ducks. Not them as an actual opponent, no. That would be extremely presumptuous seeing as the Kings are still down in their series 3-2 against the San Jose Sharks. Also, it's the Ducks. C'mon, they really aren't an issue unless you're a sub-par playoff team (i.e. the Dallas Stars). No, the issue is that the Kings and Ducks are not meant to ever face in the playoffs. It would give actual substance to their "rivalry". As whatever god would deem it, that's just not going to happen.

This is only the third time the two teams have even made the playoffs during the same season. It's been twenty years. The first time it happened the Kings were without Anze Kopitar, so that whole playoff season doesn't count and never occurred. The second time was last year, where the Kings were guaranteed a match up with either San Jose or Anaheim after dealing with the St. Louis Blues, seeing as the Blackhawks and Sharks wound up trashing Minnesota and Vancouver in a rapid fashion. Fate had it though that the Ducks were going to blow a bunch of overtime games that year and the meeting was put off further. Or that once the Kings advanced, that the Ducks were destined to screw up in their series massively and not face L.A.

This season, it was the Kings' turn to sit back, and wait and see what the Ducks were going to do. Sure, it meant giving San Jose a 3-0 series lead, but whatever. Now the Ducks won and advanced. So now the Kings are destined to bow out. Sorry you had to find out this way, everyone. I'm pretty sure this is hard science. I'll have the rubbing alcohol handy.

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Being down in a series 3-0 is a weird feeling. I assume it's like finding out you are going to die soon or something, so then whatever happens next just seems kind of awesome because, well, you are going to be dead. Two wins over the Sharks has been that "whatever happens next that just seems kind of awesome" aspect. It meant not getting swept (comparably, not dying a virgin) and then winning a game on the road (comparably, having sex with your enemy's girlfriend at their house). Sure, the odds are still you die and that's that, but hey, not a total waste at least. It's not too stressful, because it seems inevitable things are ending early, though you accept it now. I guess winning game six would be comparable to giving your enemy whatever deadly disease or wound you got so now you are in the same boat. Except that one of you would survive in the end. And then you have your hopes up again and that shit can get stressful. Sports are a lot like waiting for death, is what I am saying.

Prediction: I drink a lot again (what a shock).

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