Some time tomorrow night, the Ducks will know for certain who they will be facing in round two of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. After three games, it looked pretty obvious that the Sharks would be advancing to the Divisional Final. San Jose managed to embarrass Jonathan Quick over and over, and went up 3-0 in the series. but the Kings rallied to force a classic San Jose choke job to win three in a row of their own, tying the series 3-3.
So now we have to wait to see which one of these godforsaken teams' fanbases we will have the displeasure of putting up with for the next 4 to 7 games before Anaheim advances to the Conference Finals.
But which of the two would we rather see match-up against the Ducks? Let's look at three reasons why we do, and three reasons why we do not want to see either of these teams next round...
Three Reasons We Want to Face San Jose
- We know we can beat them in high-pressure situations. With the Pacific Division Championship banner on the line, San Jose's most sought-after possession, the Ducks rolled right over the Sharks in a 5-2 victory in their final meeting of the regular season. Anaheim can do it four more times.
- Their confidence is shot. If the Sharks manage to turn this all around, it's in their heads going in to this next series that they almost pissed away a surefire advancement to round two by nearly collapsing to an opponent they were otherwise able to dominate for three straight games. That's the type of broken husk of a team you want to be playing against.
- Joe Thornton's cock. If things go south for Anaheim during this series and Joe Thornton manages to score 4 goals in a game, we all get to see Joe Thornton pull out his cock... and stroke it. Hooray!
Three Reasons We Don't Want to Face San Jose
- Sharks have a slight edge on Anaheim this season. Ducks went 2-2-1 against San Jose this regular season, San Jose having one extra win via shootout. This obviously isn't a decisive victory, but it doesn't help.
- They nearly eliminated the Kings in 4. The Kings were playing out of their minds leading in to this series, it was no small feat for San Jose to take all of the momentum so early in the series. The fact that the Kings eventually evened things up shouldn't be surprising, but the Sharks' early play certainly was.
- Oh for fuck's sake, more of this shit?
Three Reasons We Want to Face Los Angeles
- Anaheim dominated them all season. The Ducks had their way with the Kings all season long, going 4-0-1 against them. This includes the 3-0 statement game played as part of the Stadium Series.
- They almost let San Jose sweep them. Just how good of a team can they really be?
- We've put this off for too long, let's finally make the first Freeway Face-Off playoff series happen. C'mon, it's been twenty years. We can't keep avoiding this any longer, folks. Plus, it'll be nice to have the luxury of less back-and-forth travel this round; the Ducks will be nice and rested for the Conference Finals.
Three Reasons We Don't Want to Face Los Angeles
- Coming back from a 0-3 series deficit throws a lot of momentum behind you. This is not the type of powerhouse you want to see take out your team.
- Dustin Brown might actually kill someone. Anaheim had to put up with some awful shit in the first round, and having to go through that kind of thing all over again with noted bag-of-dicks Dustin Brown means more injuries for the Ducks. There's only so many knees available on the Anaheim bench, they can't afford to lose any.
- Kings fans are some of the worst in the league. The Kings' fans are the Raiders fans of hockey. Ignorant, belligerent, and completely unbearable. Sure, San Jose has its fair share of horrible fans, but nothing compares to the festering human garbage willing to put a Kings jersey on their disgusting bodies. No one wants to put up with that for an entire series.
So what say you, who do we want the Ducks to meet up against in the Divisional Final? Ultimately, I suppose I don't care too much anymore. I'll just be rooting for the same thing I root for any other time Los Angeles and San Jose meet up:
(by Earl Sleek, from the archives)