Once upon a time in a distant land called California, three wise men walked a down a blazing, burnt, and beaten path. Well, skated, wait no...they were skating, then they took their skates off, put their shoes on and began walking down a dark desert highway. Cool wind blew through their hair; these men had been broken by the different paths they took. Yet all were about to realize their true destinies, not as hockey players, but legendary heroes. The thought occurred to the fairest of them, "Should we go to In and Out, or just get Del Taco?" The voice of the man known to the public as Teemu Selanne carried as the others thought with the weight of their worlds resting on a decision. "I could go for pancakes, or some crepes, Raffi loves him some crapes!" Raffi Torres, a scruffy, and eerily calm man of an age that escapes the author. Doug Wilson, the oldest of them, finally speaks up, his voice like that of a man that knows his way around a corn-dog, with thick curly hair as perfect as Ron Swanson's mustache. "I know a good hummus place up the road." A brief pause over took the crew of men whose stomachs ached for the pleasure of a hot meal. "Hey guys, this may be a little off topic, but is a nautical mile different than a regular mile? And if so where do Kilometers fit into the equation?" Raffi's offbeat comment took both Teemu and Dougie by surprise. "Wait, what the shit is hummus?" Teemu replied skipping over Raffi's inquire about measurements. "I think it's the purple monster Ronald McDonald hangs out wit." Raffi quickly said. "That's Grimace, hummus is like ground up pumpkin mixed with cream cheese or something, and you dip like veggies and shit in it. It's like vegan fondue. " Dougie said feigning his ignorance. "And they devoted a whole restaurant to it? Crazy Americans!" Teemu rapidly responded. Before any of them could realize a red, yellow, and black mist had descended upon the road they had been traveling, off in the fog they could see teh outline of man. Teemu stared intensely into the mist, he recognized a figure forming. "PAAIIINNN, YOU WILL ALL FEEL PAAAIINN SOON!" the ghost cried out. "What does that mean?" Dougie called back with a hint of fear in his voice and a drip of overpriced hair gel in his sweaty brow. "SOON YOU'RE TEST WILL BEGIN! IN TWO DAYS, YOU'RE TRIAL BEGINS, BE WARNED!" The ghost shrieked. "Wait, I know that face! It's Bobby Ryan!" Teemu quivered. "YES, IT IS I, THE GHOST OF BOBBY RYAN, I HAVE BEEN SENT HERE TO GUIDE YOU IN THE DAYS TO COME!" He echoed to the group. "Hold on, Bobby Ryan isn't dead, he just plays in Ottawa!" Teemu shouted back at the figure. "SAAAAMMMEEE THING!" The spirit replied. "If you really are the ghost of Bobby Ryan the answer me one thing, Teemu inquired, what does Getzlaf's favorite song?" "8675309, JENNNNNYYY!" The ghost snapped back without hesitation. "Checks out." Teemu said quietly. "Alright we believe you, so what are these trials you speak of? What can we expect?" Dougie called back. "YOU WILL BE VISITED BY THREE GHOSTS TONIGHT, THEY WILL SHOW YOU THE PATHS YOU HAVE LEAD, ARE LEADING, AND WILL END UP LEADING!" The spirit screamed. "That's a little cliché." Dougie sassed back. "I know right, what kind of hack is writing this?" Temmu chimed "NEVER THEE MIIIND, BEWARE THE PAAAIIN!" the figure began to fade until strangely silent voice of Raffi spoke. "Do you know what makes a nautical mile different from a normal one?"
-To Be Continued