Stanley Cup Final Game Four: I like New York, sorta

Night night - Bruce Bennett

Eh, not really actually

As most of you know by now, I spent about three years living in New York. Yes, it was Upstate and not the actual city, but I made a good number of trips to acquaint myself with Manhattan (and a small portion of Queens). And while Ithaca, Cortland, and Syracuse were miserable little Podunk towns, (Buffalo is a city made of nothing but frozen tears just so that we are clear) New York itself was alright. Except for the smell. And it was crowded. And staying at my friend's place was absolutely miserable and I have no idea how the fuck he managed to live in that.

It's an expensive city. Why exactly? I don't know. I mean, Harlem seemed...well, it seemed nice enough after I missed my subway exit and wound up there by accident. Though wherever you go you are crammed ass to elbows with your neighbors, coworkers, mailmen, and the entire nation of Papua New Guinea seemingly. That could partially explain the smell if you think about it. For example, you're in a large crowd and someone eeks out a fart. Now imagine an impossibly massive crowd funneled together. That's a lot more farts eeked out. The methane released by New Yorkers' pizza grease lubed buttholes is probably doing more damage to the O-Zone layer than southern California traffic. Science.

As for my friend's place, it was about the size of my current bedroom (which is the current size of a dumpster). It also had cost him something like three thousand dollars a month. It was also behind a garbage chute. Hence the smell again. Anyways, New York has some decent food, what with having a ton of different ethnic variety to delve into it, and there's stuff to do (aka, drink til you puke). Plus, it's not New Jersey. Why did those fucks have to build dumps right next to every freeway? So yeah! Way to not be New Jersey! You guys are alright. Except at hockey. Whoo boy, that is something you may need to work on.

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3-0! Nobody coughs up that sort of lead! The biggest thing now for the Kings to be aware of for game four is Daniel Carcillo is back fresh of his suspension for hitting a ref. You cannot make up the shit this guy does. But he is also the type of guy with total series altering talent. It would be a really good idea to sit Mats Zuccarello or Carl Hagelin. They just don't provide the same sort of energy, ferocity, and body odor that ol' Car Bomb can. Also, are either one of them willing to drop the gloves? You don't want to seem like you're scared, do you New York? It's 3-0, so you better send a message. You're not a bunch of pussies, right? Start Carcillo. Good.

Prediction: Rangers win one and everyone in Los Angeles proceeds to panic.

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