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Shark Week: More Evidence Gary is Dropping the Ball.

It’s Shark Week and that POS masquerading as a shorks fan stace hasn’t even written anything about the greatest sharks of all time, which just further emphasizes the giant flop of the entire NHL to not capitalize on Shark Week by hosting a Shorks convention (I’d go to San Jose for this, Gary, so reconsider).

But there’s also been an announcement that the most highly anticipated sequel of the century, Sharknado 3, is to be released on July 22.

This actually brings up another issue that the NHL has failed to capitalize on: a Shorknado (TM) fan-fiction that would titillate the entire NHL fanbase with a story of Shorks basically being sent by god to destroy the LA Kings (I honestly cannot think of something you all would want more).

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I mean, look at him, Shorkie needs some revenge, dammit.

It doubles down with Sharknado 2, which takes place in New York City, which would naturally bring Shorknado 2 (TM) to deal with the Shorks vs Rangera, accomplishing Henrik Lundqvist’s life goal of finally being released from that shit team. Again, another match-up I can hear 29 fanbases delighting over.

The third and newest treasure in the Sharknado series, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, has apparently made a slight error, finding itself taking place in Orlando and D.C. (I’m not even sure how but that’s what IMDB says people), rather than the SOH (Also known as the Land of 10,000 Lakes/Shitty nicknames, so really like a shork couldn’t come up from one of them, give me a fucjin break/call me up Hollywood). It would look like in this match-up, the shorks would be destroying the Capitals and the Lightning (I google mapped it, Orlando is closer to Tampa than Sunrise, thank you very much). Which I got to say, only a slight loss really (RIP Ovie and suck it TJ Oshie). ]

Melissa's Really Well Thought Out Future Plans for Shorknado

And you might say, well Melissa what if this is the end of the Sharknado franchise? Where will your Shorknado (TM) fanfiction continue to produce an audience and millions of dollars at then?

To which I say: First off, how dare you imply Sharknado will truly ever really die.

Secondly, I can only assume they will pull a Lion King and do a Shorknado 1 1/2 and in which the Shorks slide on up the Santa Ana River and come for the Ducks but I'm not in charge of marketing over at the NHL for some reason.

Thirdly, don't you know that pretty much all Hollywood/book deals these days are going to fan-fiction? Considering how shitty all those other franchises are (cough, Fifty Shades), I can only assume we could make a billion dollars before anyone even realizes.

Fourthly, I'm a fan of two other teams in the NHL that aren't the Shorks and I got to say, I would pay to see 24 additional sequels to Shorknodo 1, 2, 3 and 1 1/2 that involve the shorks destroying the NHL. The series would clearly culminate in a final Shorknado 28, in which the Shorks collapse in on themselves in true-to-shork fashion.

So, if anyone wants to do all the legwork and write, call around to Hollywood and the NHL, produce and/or finance this project for exactly zero dollars but a hell of a lot of glory, get at me.

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

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