Shane Doan: Wait, what happened? Where am I?

St. Peter: Oh hi Shane. We've been expecting you. Shane, this is Heaven.

Shane: Oh wow, I'm humbled in your presence. I'm glad my life of piety and good deeds has put me in your presence.

St. Peter: No problem, Shane, you've earned it. Now let me just check your... oh my, uh... I'm sorry, Shane, but it looks like you're not getting in.

Shane: What?!? Seriously? I'm Shane Doan! I've always been a good, honest person. There must be some kind of mistake.

St. Peter: Umm, let me get me my manager. He may be able to help you.

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(Via our good friend Travis Hughes at SBNation.com/NHL)

I love you, Slava.

Too bad that was the only real highlight of last night's game. Yep, absolutely nothing else gif-worthy anywhere else in that game!

Lalalalalala can't hear you lalalalalala

So the glorious metropolitan city has to lower itself to face their ugly, misbegotten neighbor. Said neighbor has been twisted by jealousy of their more fortunate neighbor and desperately wants to win this hockey series to get a measure of revenge to somehow justify their horrible, rotten existence.

Despite that, I still think the Rangers will win in 6 games.

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LA vs. Vancouver, Game 1, first 10 minutes

The Good: 8 shots on goal!

The Bad: 2 penalties (Stoll 4 minutes in, Penner 10 minutes in), 1 goal against, Doughty got rocked and cut by a hit after Quick fed him a horrible pass

LA vs. St. Louis, Game 1, first 10 minutes

The Good: N/A

The Bad: Outshot 6-1 in first 5 minutes and 8-5 overall, 1 penalty (Richards 50 fucking seconds in), 1 goal against

LA vs. Phoenix, Game 1, first 10 minutes

The Good: I'm drunk!

The Bad: Outshot 2,142 to 6, Justin Williams' spine was ripped out, 1 penalty (Dwight King ejected from Earth before the puck is dropped), 1 goal against

Google Image Search is a fast way to find a variety of pictures relating to a certain thing. When you search for a hockey team name, you get hundreds of results relating to that team: the logo, famous players, merchandise, etc. But when you scroll waaaaaaaaay down past all the most popular results, you can find strange and frightening things that are connected to that team's name

For each NHL team I searched for the team's name and have identified the most embarrassing, shameful, or simply insane image that comes up. Here they are for your enjoyment, along with a brief tidbit about what each picture can teach us about the team, fanbase, players, or whatever.

Anaheim Ducks

What the fuck is that?

Ryan Getzlaf and some folks in the whitest picture ever taken.

What does this teach us?

Getzlaf is a dork and a half who should never allow himself to be seen without wearing several hats and a full diving helmet.

Boston Bruins

What the fuck is that?

Some advertisement that for some reason comes up when you search for "Boston Bruins."

What does this teach us?

Boston fans are all fat.

Buffalo Sabres

What the fuck is that?

A 36 dollar 3D replica of that Buffalo logo everyone hated. It doesn't say anywhere how big it is so I'm going to assume it's ten feet tall. It's still wildly overpriced.

What does this teach us?

There is no God.

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Drawing tablet strikes again!

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