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I Hate Ryan Smyth

"I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!"
-Al Capone, The Untouchables

I hate Ryan Smyth. He's Exhibit A for why the whole concept of "being tough" is completely fucked in the NHL. Everyone acts like he's some sort of noble beast for standing in front of the next and being ugly, but he wears a flak jacket. A fucking flak jacket. You know, a jacket that stops flak. The thing is meant to stop shards of metal from embedding into someone's flesh, I'm pretty sure it'll stop a cross-check or a puck. So no, he's not tough. He's a cheap-shotting little bitch and I fucking hate him. What kind of a man refuses to sign a contract for a team, forces a trade, and then has the fucking cojones to cry when he goes back. At least Chris Pronger didn't try to pretend like he was the victim, you nosed bastard. That's another thing: Smyth looks like... you know in Beetle Juice, where Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin have to get into the afterworld so they pull their faces out about three feet? Or Pyramid Head in Silent Hill. That's what Smyth looks like. Fuck him.

In case you didn't see it tonight, Jason Labarbera had to leave the game because he got speared by Smyth. Smyth came in and dug his stick into "Nolte," then fell on top of it until it broke after Blake barely touched him. (What the hell, Blake? Cross check him in the back of the head, what are you doing?) It was a bullshit play, and for it he deserves to die. I don't understand why a play like that would be a 5-minute major if it had been Blake on top of the puck but it gets nothing when it's a goalie. I'm biased because I'm both a Kings fan and a goalie, but the 7th cirle of Hell is reserved for guys who hit a goalie after he's covered the puck. Labarbera was completely exposed and unable to defend himself, and Smyth knew it. After that play, I didn't care at all about the rest of the game; I just wanted to see Ryan Smyth buried. I wanted Raitis Ivanans to pick him up by the feet and throw him clear out of the rink. I wanted him... well, I wanted him dead. I'm not one to call for a boarding, but I'm officially calling for a boarding. Congratulations, Ryan Smyth: in a league with Sean Avery, Corey Perry, and Derek Armstrong, you are now my least favorite player in the NHL. Die.