Los Angeles Kings (worst) @ Detroit Red Wings (best)
4:30 PST, FSN West, TSN
The Kings have a lot of dead weight laying around. They have 2 players in the AHL, Peter Harrold and Ted Purcell, who have clearly shown that they deserve at least a few games in the NHL. Who’s going to make room for them, though? Depending on what kind of team you’re looking for, at least one of the following players is unnecessary. Which one would you disappear?
Kevin Dallman Pros: Can play offense and defense… still relatively young… available to play the point on the power play… his last name sounds like a really shitty Batman villain. Cons: Sucks… he’d never actually play defense (we’d just call someone up)… offensive defenseman, which we don't need... this is his only picture available on Yahoo!:
Raitis Ivanans Pros: Fights… one of the better enforcers at actually playing hockey… has not killed a person yet (that I know of). Cons: Sucks… can’t fight right now, which makes him worthless… takes bad penalties… always a possibility that he’ll learn how to read and find all the bad things I've written about him.
John Zeiler Pros: Physical… makes a lot of noise when he plays… looks like he has a stick up his ass when he skates… can draw penalties… he looks like a guy I played college hockey with. Cons: Sucks… falls all the time… his hits have no affect on the play whatsoever… has a two-way contract so not subject to waivers... kind of a jackass… I was never fond of that guy from college.
4:30 PST, FSN West, TSN
The Kings have a lot of dead weight laying around. They have 2 players in the AHL, Peter Harrold and Ted Purcell, who have clearly shown that they deserve at least a few games in the NHL. Who’s going to make room for them, though? Depending on what kind of team you’re looking for, at least one of the following players is unnecessary. Which one would you disappear?
Kevin Dallman Pros: Can play offense and defense… still relatively young… available to play the point on the power play… his last name sounds like a really shitty Batman villain. Cons: Sucks… he’d never actually play defense (we’d just call someone up)… offensive defenseman, which we don't need... this is his only picture available on Yahoo!:
Raitis Ivanans Pros: Fights… one of the better enforcers at actually playing hockey… has not killed a person yet (that I know of). Cons: Sucks… can’t fight right now, which makes him worthless… takes bad penalties… always a possibility that he’ll learn how to read and find all the bad things I've written about him.
John Zeiler Pros: Physical… makes a lot of noise when he plays… looks like he has a stick up his ass when he skates… can draw penalties… he looks like a guy I played college hockey with. Cons: Sucks… falls all the time… his hits have no affect on the play whatsoever… has a two-way contract so not subject to waivers... kind of a jackass… I was never fond of that guy from college.
Jeff Giuliano
Brian Willsie
Pros: Umm... is not a cannibal? Cons: Sucks… takes bad shots… no special teams ability… his blood burns through steel… not too sure about the cannibal thing.
Scott Thornton
Pros: Physical… good character guy… leader and elder statesman on the team… can fight… looks fetching in bike shorts. Cons: Sucks… slow… no special teams ability… makes $1.5 mil…might have to get rid of him just to keep Crawford from putting him on a line with Kopitar… seriously, what the fuck… that’s ridiculous.
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This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but doesn't Joe Thornton's beard make him look like Snarf from Thundercats? Here's Joe (left):
...and here's Snarf:
I don't know, maybe I'm crazy.
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Prediction: The Kings are the worst team in the league and they're playing Detroit, the best team in the league. Obviously, Kings win, 7-1. Goals by Brown x2, Frolov x3, O'Sullivan and Handzus. I've never been more confident in a prediction in my life.