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Dear God...

...Dan Cloutier has been called up. (Scroll down to the section about the Kings.) Everyone get out their Dan Cloutier Diaster Kit and make sure it includes the following items:

Stress Doll
Soothing CD; Enya is recommended
Ear Plugs (so you can't hear the laughter of other teams)
Bottle of the Alcohol of Your Choice

If you have any small children in the house, it's best to send them to a family member's house far away from a television that receives Kings' games. This is it, folks, this is the big one.