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Trade Deadline Clusterf*ck: Take My King, Please!

(10:39 PM) According to Yahoo!, Brad Richards has been traded to the Dallas Stars for Jeff Halpern, Mike Smith, and defenseman Mark Fistric. Richards has 3 years left on a hilariously bloated $7.8 million dollar contract. Just so everyone is clear, Brad Richards has exactly one year with more points than games played. Hehe. I'm not sure this is actually true, but what am I, a beacon of journalistic integrity? I'm not even wearing pants right now, give me a break.

(7:50 AM) Okay, so apparently Yahoo! isn't a legitimate source of news anymore because there hasn't been any confirmation of the above trade. I'm really tired of all these journalists, sitting in their mother's basements and making up trades out of their asses. I mean honestly, what the hell, I can get away with stupid shit like this because I'm a moron and people don't count on me for actual news, but don't news sites have some sort of responsibility to, I don't know, be right? Or at least qualify the hell out of their report. Sorry, James.

(8:32 AM) So apparently the Sharks are going for it; TSN is reporting that they've traded for Brian Campbell. No details on who the Sharks are sending back yet, but I've got my fingers crossed that it's Vlasic, Bernier, and Couture. Oh, and Nabokov, too.

(8:40 AM) Okay, so now they're saying it's for Steve Bernier and a 1st round draft pick. That's not too bad, I guess. I like Steve Bernier, but you gotta give something to get something. If the Sharks can't sign Campbell, though, then they're fucking morons.

(8:45 AM) Now that whole Brad Richards thing is going down, but with shootout empresario Jussi Jokinen thrown in on Dallas' side. I guess they saw San Jose trade for Bernier and decided to up the ante a little. Whatever, hopefully now Dallas will actually start sucking in like 2 years.

(9:00 AM) Does anyone care that the Canadiens traded Cristobal Huet to the Caps? I don't, really, but I guess he used to play for the Kings so someone might. Do the Canadiens know that 20 year-old goalie does not equal Stanley Cup? I mean, it's not like the Panthers are going to start killing rats.

(9:21 AM) Ruslan Salei has been traded to the Colorado Avalanche, meaning that Rob Blake will probably not be traded. According to the LA Times this morning, Blake told Lombardi that he'd be willing to go to Colorado but that was pretty much it. Oh well, I'm sure LA fans will be just as accepting and classy as Toron- shit, this is going to end badly.

(10:45 AM) The Sharks trade Rob Davison to the Islanders for a 7th round draft pick. Should we just start etching the Islanders on the Stanley Cup, or are we still going to have the playoffs?

(12:17 PM) TSN is reporting that Brad Stuart has been traded to the Red Wings for a 2nd and 4th round pick.

(12:25 PM) Marc-Andre Bergeron to the Ducks? That doesn't make any sense.

(12:27 PM) Poor Al Montoya. He's gone from being stuck behind Henrik Lundqvist to being stuck behind Ilya Bryzgalov in Phoenix. The Coyotes also get M. Hossa in the deal. I like this deal for Phoenix, if only because they can probably flip Montoya in a few months for more value.

(12:35 PM) News: Kings trade J.S. Aubin to Ducks for a 7th round pick.
Views: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Ducks have to want Jonas Hiller to play in the AHL playoffs, right? I can't understand why anyone would want Aubin. I wouldn't have traded for him if Lombardi had offered me him and a 7th rounder.

(1:50 PM) Two more quick things: Brandon Bochenski was traded to the Predators for a conditional draft pick and the Sharks signed Brian Boucher. That sound is the sounds of uncaring.