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Sharks Gameday: Kyle Mclaren Sucks Edition

SJ Sharks vs. Calgary Flames

Calgary Leads, 1-0

7:00 PST

First things first: I don't give a fuck about the Sharks. Their team is stupid, their fans are stupid, and I hate that stupid shark they bring down before the game. That being said, I'm bored because my team sucks and I hate it when coaches suddenly get retarded during the playoffs. Plus, it's no fun listening to your roommate wander around the apartment muttering, "God damn you Ron Wilson," like some kind of mental patient.

Maybe I'm just thinking about this wrong, but isn't it kind of insane to play both Kyle McLaren and Alexei Semenov (hehe) during game 1? The Sharks are a big team that can't get pushed around, but they're effective because they don't necessarily play physical (with a few exceptions) and they don't take penalties. McLaren took two bad penalties last night that killed the Sharks, so get him the fuck out of there. He got 2 penalties and he only played about 13 minutes! That is ridiculous.

Here's my (uninformed) opinion about what Ron Wilson should do:

-Marc-Edward Vlasic and Craig Rivet play against Jarome Iginla's line
-Brian Campbell plays half the game, usually with Doug Murray (he's from Sweden)
-Matt Carle spells Murray and Rivet when they're tired
-Dress Semenov but don't play him more than 8 minutes

Really folks, this isn't that hard. The Sharks have the last change! Use it! Fuck!

Also, don't try to play physical with Calgary. You're better than them, just skate through them! Don't buy into this playoff bullshit and play your game. Did you see how good you played in the 3rd? Try to play like that. The only player the Sharks should try to rough up is Dion Phaneuf, like they did to Chris Pronger once upon a time. He's a stupid oaf and I guarantee you he will take a stupid penalty. (By the way, why aren't you booing him every time he touches the puck? C'mon, get with it!)

But hey, what the fuck do I know, I'm just a Kings fan. I'm sure you Sharks people know what you're doing, as evidenced by your many years of deep playoff play. All I know is that I hate the Calgary Flames and you're making them look good. Stop it.

Prediction: Ron Wilson takes my advice; Sharks lose 10-0. Meg rips out my small intestine.