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Sharks Gameday: Who Ya Gonna Call?

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San Jose Sharks (30-5-5) at Vancouver Canucks (22-16-5), 7 PM PST

(Apologies to Canucks fans. This is a little snarky, but come on, this Sundin hysteria made it all too easy.)

On the first game, Mats said, "Let there be Steve Bernier." And there was, and Bernier scored two goals, and it was good.

On the second game, Mats said, "Let there be points for me." And there wasn't, only a -1 and two PIMs, and it was bad. So bad, in fact, that Mats was in the penalty box for a critical goal. It was not just bad, it was awful, and Mats was upset. How could this happen? He was, after all, the Second Coming, or at least the greatest thing since sliced bread, right?

The natives are restless in Vancouver. After all, it's been two games (one home and one away) and the Greatest Hockey Player In The History Of Time, Space, And Matter hasn't scored. Nay, he hasn't even had a damn assist, though Mats Sundin got on the scoresheet in the PIMs column.

If you remember, this is the guy that told Roberto Luongo to go forth with the Ten Commandments. He also has multiple arms to hold up the world and I think is some sort of jolly zen master in his spare time. Oh, and most importantly, Tom Cruise thinks he's absolutely brilliant and in no way glib or evil.

But no, it's not quite like that. It's fire and brimstone, or as a wise man named Peter Venkman put it:

What wound up left on the cutting room floor? "Dogs and cats LIVING together, Alexei Semenov playing forward and trying to fight..."

Dear God, erm, Mats...Semenov IS playing forward. And Mats HAS arrived on the scene, so something, something biblical MUST be happening, right?

Prediction: Sharks...oh, who cares, they'll just be happy to be on the same ice as the Chosen One.

Wait a minute. There's another scene from Ghostbusters that we should paraphrase...

Patrick Marleau: "Are you a God?"

Mats Sundin: ""

Patrick Marleau: "Then...DIE!" (Scores 896 goals with 895 assists by Joe Thornton and one assist by Dan Boyle)

Pavol Demitra: "Mats, when someone asks if you're a god, you say YES!"

Prediction: Sharks 896, Canucks 3. All goals by Marleau. Canucks bring out the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man (a surprise appearance by Keith Tkachuk) but time runs out before he can do anything.