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Kings Gameday: Our 4th Line is Great...

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Los Angeles Kings
@ Detroit Red Wings

Thursday, Oct 15, 2009, 4:30 PM PDT
Joe Louis Arena

Complete Coverage >

4:30 PST, Fox Sports West

Winging it in Motown should have an apostrophe instead of a "G."

...for me to poop on!

Jesus Christ, 4th line, what the fuck? If you missed yesterday's game, the 4th line was... less than stellar. Raitis Ivanans and Peter Harrold both took retarded penalties that led to Rangers goals and then they were on the ice when Brian Boyle was left wide open in the slot for the 3rd goal. I still don't understand why the fuck Raitis Ivanans was playing yesterday, seeing as how Donald Brashear sat out the game and Raitis takes more penalties than David Hasselhoff. The Kings have a 22-year old former 1st round draft pick sitting in the press box in lieu of Raitis Ivanans. That's madness. This is the 2nd thing Terry Murray has done that I haven't liked; the first was putting Peter Harrold on the ice with 2 minutes left to go in the Islanders game and then bragging about how he likes putting Harrold out there because it's like having a 3rd defenseman; it is, except it's a shitty 3rd defenseman.

Also, that goal yesterday was bullshit. If you missed it, the ref accidentally blew the whistle on a loose puck and then waved off a clear goal. Whoops! It was a stupid thing to do, but unfortunately you can't review when the ref blew the whistle. What does the ref do? Why, claim he was waving his hands to signify the play was dead... because that's something refs do a lot. Reminded me of that Doug Eddings play from the MLB playoffs a few years ago, where he claimed moving a balled fist out to your side meant the play was still alive.

Also, Gaborik was offsides on his goal.

Anyway, I'm not bitter. Game's over, and the Kings move on to face Detroit tonight. I usually don't despise the Detroit Red Wings, more a jealousy than anything, but I've grown to hate them since their embarrassing display after they lost to the Penguins. Henrik Zetterberg is a baby, Lidstrom is annoying (just get old already), Chris Osgood is the most overrated player this side of David Eckstein, their coach is a douche bag, and they have Todd Bertuzzi. (Pavel Datsyuk... is cool, though his head is candy corn shaped.) I really hope the Kings kick them while they're down.

Christ I'm ornery today. I was playing hockey last night and I really wanted to punch this one dude in the face. He was in front of me on the power play and I was giving him shots with my blocker; you know, establish a little space, get him thinking about something other than tipping the puck. The guy on the point took a shot, I stopped it, and then Douche Bag in front cross checked me in the back of the head. I stood up and he said, "Don't cross check me in the back, Goal," and I replied, "I hit you with my blocker, dickhead." Later, when they had another power play (my team sucks), Douche Bag backs up while looking behind himself, you know, making it clear he's not going to stop because he's a douche bag. I shoved him lightly with two hands and he fucking goes flying like I'm a 250-lb. dude and I just shot him with a .357 magnum. The ref wasn't falling for it, though, and of course he started whining like a little bitch.

Now, I don't stick people in the nuts because it's unsporting. What I do instead, and this is only if the guy's a little bitch, is slide the end of my stick up and down the crack of his ass. It's distracting as hell and how do you complain about that? "What the fuck, Ref, goalie's putting his stick up my ass!" The guy didn't say anything but I know he was fucking furious because he got a pass wide open in front of the net and shot it right into me because he was holding his stick too tight. He took 4 whacks at me after the whistle until my defenseman took him out and then he whined to the ref again.

The weird thing is that it's a shitty league so you would think guys would be pretty chill, but it's the opposite: the guys in the higher end leagues don't usually whine or get cheap while the shitty guys act like it's the Goddamn NHL. Fuck, now I really want to punch Tomas Holmstrom in the face.

Prediction: Kings win, 5-4. Goals by Williams (x2), Doughty, Frolov and Brown. Wings fans complain about missed calls while remaining oblivious to the 200 moving screens Detroit commits a game.