Check out Five for Howling, where they're fighting an evil billionaire that's trying to move them to TSN.
We don't need no water let the mother fuckers burn! ...Wait, shit, get the water, get the water!
Meat Train Simmonds (21) is going to be lined up alongside Anze Kopitar and Ryan Smyth once again on the top line for the Kings. In the last game Meat had almost 16 minutes of ice time with almost a minute and a half of penalty kill time. Simmonds seemed to enjoy the space created by Kopitar and Smyth, confidently carrying the puck and getting shots on net. He ended up with a goal (on a bea-fucking-utiful pass by Alex Frolov during 4-on-4) and an assist on the game. There were a few moments where Simmonds looked a little uncomfortable, like he wasn't sure where the cycle was going or where he tried to force the puck into Kopitar or Smyth, but overall he looked really good.
Scott Parse (25) will get into his first NHL game tonight alongside Jarret Stoll and Ted Purcell. Parse has had a tough road to the NHL. He went undrafted for two years and instead went to Nebraska-Omaha, a school not known for its hockey prowess. Parse excelled at Nebraska-Omaha and was eventually drafted by the Kings in 2004. Parse would play 4 years at Nebraska-Omaha and then sign with the Kings in 2006, but he was hindered by two herniated discs in his back and hasn't really had a chance to play healthy before about halfway through last season. He had a great start to his season down in Manchester with 11 points in 7 games and his seniority earned him his call-up to the Kings. The Kings are playing Scott Parse in place of Trevor Lewis, who doesn't really have the offensive game to play the role Terry Murray wants out of his 3rd line. Parse, Stoll and Purcell will be expected to produce while still serving as the secondary shutdown line, which is crucial on the road.
Jonathan Quick (23) had to make the Walk of Shame yesterday, prostrating himself at the altar of public opinion in penance for his abysmal display against the Stars on Thursday. (True story: I know what 3 words in the latter part of that sentence mean.) Quick seems open to top corner shots like the one Jamie Benn scored on Thursday because he shrugs when drops to his knees. Try it: try to raise your elbows quickly to eye-level, then try it while shrugging. You'll notice first that you are a lot quicker when you're not shrugging, then you'll notice that you just followed the instructions of some guy on the internet. You should feel bad about yourself now.
Quick also just signed a 3-year contract worth about $1.8 million dollars a year. That's an excellent deal for the Kings if Quick remains their starting goaltender during the duration of the deal and still a good deal if Quick eventually becomes trade bait or a back-up.
Jonathan Bernier (21) had a 40-save shutout last night for the Manchester Monarchs. The AHL was giving a free preview of their online feed so I was able to catch about half the game and Bernier looked really, really good. He was confident even when faced with a scramble in front of the net, stood tall in the net, and even showed a little feistiness by getting in an opposing player's face after Bernier was hacked after the whistle. So far Bernier has a 1.34 GAA and a .963 SV%. That low hum you hear will soon become a deafening roar if Bernier keeps it up.
Davis Drewiske (24) also signed a 3-year contract yesterday worth $800,000 a season. Drewiske's fine for the limited role he plays and should easily earn his deal. It does set up an interesting situation for the future, where the Kings have Drew Doughty, Jack Johnson, Rob Scuderi, Matt Greene and now Drewiske signed or under control for 3 more years. That doesn't leave much room for Sasha Voynov, Thomas Hickey or Colten Teubert. What are we, the Red Wings?
Anze Kopitar (22) is messing with my perceptions. I've always thought that Kopitar did worse against the Coyotes than most other teams, assuming it was because of Ed Jovanovski or Zbynek Michalek or the way he played them, so I did a little research to check what I thought was true. Apparently I'm a jackass, because it's not true at all. In fact, Kopitar actually does slightly better against the Coyotes (.91 p/g) than he does overall (.89). Huh. Kopitar should get a steady does of Martin Hanzal tonight. I caught up to Kopitar and asked him if he was worried about Hanzal and he replied, "Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel!" I said, "You stole that from Zoolander," and he looked down sadly and mumbled, "I just wanted to be funny once." Not everyone can do it, big guy.
The Coyotes and the Kings are tied atop the Pacific Division. The hell? The 'Yotes have actually played two less games than the Kings though and are on a 4-game winning streak. And before anyone starts: yes, hardly anyone will be at the game tonight and no, it's not really that funny. You're from Los Angeles, show some support for your fellow Sun Belters. And then cheer when the Kings beat the shit out of the Coyotes tonight.
Prediction: Kings win, 2-1. Goals by Scott Parse and Davis Drewiske in the worst game of hockey ever played. This victory will vault the Kings to the top of the division.