clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

I'll Never Understand

New, 29 comments

There are 3 things in this world I will never understand: Jews for Jesus, having more than 4 pillows on a bed*, and being a fan.  Now, I haven't been able to catch a full Kings game since before the All-Star break.  I recently moved so I haven't had cable or internet.  My life was reduced to catching random game clips on other people's unprotected routers and occasionally checking the scores through my phone.  I don't want to be overdramatic, but I literally almost died.  It's tough when you spend, oh, 2 hours a day focusing on something and then it's gone in a flash.  But I've recovered and now I'm ready to watch the Kings again.  Here's the question, though: should I?


*I only have 2 pillows on my bed: one for me, and one for any lady friend that I deem worthy of my company.  Some people need two pillows to sleep, which is kind of weird and uncomfortable but whatever.  But I knew a girl that had 9 Goddamn pillows on her bed.  9.  Nine.  My first thought was, "What the fuck, how many people sleep in this bed?" because I'm down to party but I'm not really the kind of girl that's going to get involved in some sort of orgy.  Then, and this really blew my mind, she did the following: she took 7 pillows off the bed, we slept, and then put them back on in the morning.  Now, if you're me, you're asking yourself, "Holy God, what possible reason could there be for so many pillows if you're not going to use them???"  Is it supposed to be cosmetic, because it makes you look like an idiot with too much time on your hands.  Is there some sort of benefit I'm not seeing here?  A strange girl with wonderful boobs, she was.


You see, since I stopped watching the Kings have gone 6-1, with their one loss a tragedy of officiating in Montreal.  I'm a pretty smart guy (I have a favorite philosopher and properly use the word "truncated" in sentences, for example) and I know the Kings' recent success has nothing to do with me, but I still can't shake the feeling that they're winning because I'm not watching.  Consider this: my two favorite sports teams are the Dodgers and the Kings.  I started watching the Dodgers right after 1988; they haven't been competitive since.  I started watching the Kings in 1992; you know how that went.  Since I've been a sports fan, not one team I've cared passionately about has won anything.  Maybe if I stop watching the Kings, they'll win.

Of course, and this is the part about fandom I'll never understand, I don't care if the Kings win and I'm not watching.  I care about the Kings a lot, but I don't care about them, if that makes sense.  If you were to give me two timelines, one where the Kings form a dynasty but I don't get to share in it and one where they never win a Stanley Cup but I get to watch, I'm picking that 2nd option every time.  I want them to win so badly but not as badly as I want to experience that journey, I guess.  I'd rather watch losing than not watch winning.  It doesn't make sense, but maybe that's why I love sports so much: it's the one area of life that I can't make sense of.  That and Jews for Jesus.  I don't understand, aren't they Christians?