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Things Shorter Than Dean Lombardi's Draft Speech

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-Every Oscar speech ever made

-My high school graduation

-The film and ordeal of Apollo 13

-A reading of The Brothers Karamazov

-The sinking of the Titanic

-The Peloponnesian War (the 2nd one)

-My first sexual experience (by a lot)

-The number Pi

-An elephant's tail

-Schindler's List

-State of the Union speeches in 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1997, 1998, and 1999

-Dean Lombardi's draft speech

-Brian Burke's face after the Kings drafted Brayden Schenn (OK, this one's not true, it was longer)