So I've recently come into a non-insubstantial amount of money after starting this SBNation Los Angeles thing but I don't really feel like spending it on stupid shit like food or charity or whatever. I wanted to use my newfound fortune to move up in the world, to move into high society. I want to hang out with the Dan Ellises of the world and maybe meet some new, fun, and very rich people. I rattled my brain to see how I could do this, from monocles to cufflinks to tiny, tiny giraffes, but I think I found a way to put myself on the A-list:
Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe I just became too good to talk to you.