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Kings Gameday: An Open Letter to The Hockey News

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Next Game

Los Angeles Kings
@ St. Louis Blues

Thursday, Mar 25, 2010, 5:00 PM PDT
Scottrade Center

Complete Coverage >



 

Bailey_medium

Dear Hockey News,

 

I recently perused your fair magazine and stumbled across an article that caused me much distress.  This article concerned the top 10 mascots in the game of hockey.  I began reading the article with great amusement and hurriedly scanned the mascots to find Bailey, the noble feline mascot of the Los Angeles Kings.  I was greatly perturbed when I discovered Bailey was missing from your article and even more enraged when I spotted Wild Wing's name on this list. 

I invite you to view each mascot's fanpage, where you will note the care Bailey's has been given compared to Wild Wing's.  I invite you to view each mascot's most popular video on Youtube; Bailey's can be found here, while Wild Wing's is here.  I invite you to consider the two mascot's names: Wild Wing is named after a fan contest and a cartoon while Bailey is named after former hockey player and Kings scout Ace Bailey, who died on 9/11.  In summation, I would like to say the following:

 

HOW DARE YOU!!!!  I WILL MURDER

YOUR FAMILY AND EAT YOUR SOUL!!!  I

WILL CARVE BAILEY'S NAME INTO YOUR

CHEST WITH MY COCK!!!  I WILL MAKE

YOU BLEED FROM EVERY ORIFICE!!! 

YOU WILL BEG FOR DEATH BEFORE

THE END AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU

REALIZE THE GRAVITY OF YOUR

MISTAKE!!!  I AM BECOME DEATH!!! 

I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!!!

*Ahem

I assume this is just an oversight on your part and is not the result of malice.  A simple retraction in your next issue will be sufficient for me to consider this matter closed.  If not, however, I will literally fuck you.  Good day.

 

Sincerely,

rudykelly


 

Prediction: Kings win, 3-2.  Somewhere Bailey does a little dance.