Dear Hockey News,
I recently perused your fair magazine and stumbled across an article that caused me much distress. This article concerned the top 10 mascots in the game of hockey. I began reading the article with great amusement and hurriedly scanned the mascots to find Bailey, the noble feline mascot of the Los Angeles Kings. I was greatly perturbed when I discovered Bailey was missing from your article and even more enraged when I spotted Wild Wing's name on this list.
I invite you to view each mascot's fanpage, where you will note the care Bailey's has been given compared to Wild Wing's. I invite you to view each mascot's most popular video on Youtube; Bailey's can be found here, while Wild Wing's is here. I invite you to consider the two mascot's names: Wild Wing is named after a fan contest and a cartoon while Bailey is named after former hockey player and Kings scout Ace Bailey, who died on 9/11. In summation, I would like to say the following:
HOW DARE YOU!!!! I WILL MURDER
YOUR FAMILY AND EAT YOUR SOUL!!! I
WILL CARVE BAILEY'S NAME INTO YOUR
CHEST WITH MY COCK!!! I WILL MAKE
YOU BLEED FROM EVERY ORIFICE!!!
YOU WILL BEG FOR DEATH BEFORE
THE END AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU
REALIZE THE GRAVITY OF YOUR
MISTAKE!!! I AM BECOME DEATH!!!
I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!!!
I assume this is just an oversight on your part and is not the result of malice. A simple retraction in your next issue will be sufficient for me to consider this matter closed. If not, however, I will literally fuck you. Good day.
Prediction: Kings win, 3-2. Somewhere Bailey does a little dance.