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Kings Gameday: Nicknames

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Next Game

Dallas Stars
@ Los Angeles Kings

Saturday, Mar 27, 2010, 7:30 PM PDT

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I'm a big fan of nicknames.  Not shitty nicknames like "Dewey" or "Stolly" or "last name-y" like most hockey players have, but real nicknames.  Nicknames like "Meat Train" and "Meat Train."  In the interest of public service, I'm throwing out some nickname ideas for some of the younger guys.  And some of the older guys.  Basically, if they pop into my head in the next five minutes they're getting put down.

Wayne "Meat Train" Simmonds

Thomas "The Beav" Hickey

Jarret "Green Goblin" Stoll

Michal "Zeus" Handzus*

*This isn't mine but it works so well that we should keep it.

Anze "Raccoon Jesus" Kopitar

Andrei "Loki" Loktionov

Justin "The Invisible Swordsman" Williams*

*This one doesn't make any sense but you gotta admit: it's a pretty cool nickname.

Jonathan "Picture Day" Quick

Brayden "Brayden" Schenn*

*It's a lot of fun to know someone named "Brayden" because if they ever say something stupid you can say, "Shut the fuck up, Brayden."  What a shitty name.

Colten "Retard Strength" Teubert

Sean "Falcor" O'Donnell

Randy "Drives a Trans Am And Still Goes to High School Parties" Jones

Ryan "FAS" Smyth

Oscar "Highlight Reel" Moller*

*Have you ever seen him get hit?  Highlight reel stuff.

Vyacheslav Voynov, "The Quintessential Russian!"


Prediction: Kings win, 3-1.  Goals by Alexander "Sheepish" Frolov, Dustin "Duddits*" Brown and Scott "Who?  Oh Right, Him" Parse.

*Ever seen Dreamcatcher?