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Kings Gameday: Yo Baby Girl, Peep This Post

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Kings vs. Edmonton, 1 PM


When my roommate played at Staples Center last week, they gave him an autographed picture of a Kings player.  Cool.  The player was Jack Johnson.  Not cool.  He has stupid highlights in his hair and he's trying to look tough while completing a slap shot, but the worst part is the nickname assigned to him on the top of the page.  The nickname?  J.J.  It's actually quite perfect if you think about it; Johnson looks like the "bad boy" from a boy band, so why not call him J.J.?

 

So that naturally got me thinking, who else would be in this theoretical boy band?

Drew Doughty is... The Heartthrob!

The meal ticket and the leading man.  He's getting the best solos and driving ticket sales.  He's the one who makes me swoon.  He'll eventually go solo and become world famous.  Comparable: Justin Timberlake

Jack Johnson is... The Bad Boy!


I guarantee you Jack Johnson walks around with his shirt unbuttoned at least 50% of the time.  I'm less confident that he says things like, "Hey Girl," and "Ya dig," but I sure wouldn't be surprised.  Comparable: Donnie Wahlberg

Oscar Moller is... The Cute One!

I'm pretty sure Oscar Moller is the physical manifestation of, "Awww..."  I just really want to give him a belly rub.  He could murder my entire family and I would still offer him milk  and cookies.  He's adorable, is what I'm trying to say.  Comparable: Nick Carter

Dustin Brown is... The Nerdy One!

The nerdy one is the one liked by that fat girl in high school, the same one that never talks until you mention anime to someone else and then she shows you her Naruto trapper keeper and she won't stop until you make some comment about how she's weird and then she'll get quiet and you'll feel kind of bad.  Basically, Dustin Brown is the random one and you can't quite understand why here's there.  Maybe he sings tenor or some shit, I don't know.  Plus, he apparently hates fat girls.  Comparable: One of those weird guys with facial hair.

Raitis Ivanans is... The Older Brother!

This one doesn't make sense, I just have this idea in my head of 4 douche bags prancing around while Ivanans stands in the middle looking angry.  He'll be the one who raps right before the big build-up at the end of the song.  Comparable: Nick Jonas.  Is it Nick?  I don't know, the virgin.

Prediction: Kings win, 3-2.  People still clamor for Jonathan Bernier, mostly because he looks like he should be in a French Canadian boy band.  They could be called Vagin Mouiller.