Hooray! I'm a slightly-more-tolerable hockey blogger again! The poor man's cartooning method (at least the one I'm used to) is back online with my newly-purchased non-Mac laptop, and I'm relieved for sure -- I feel like a postlockout Selanne!
Of course, it's still the dead part of summer (remember when some idiot told us that if the cap went up, this offseason would be exciting?), so it may have been a good time to be a largely non-functioning blogger. Then again, though, in times like these with little-to-no news maybe hockey cartoons are more important than ever.
Anyways, apologies for any rust (plus apparently MS Paint got a bit of a re-design since my last use), but I did have to stay topical with the issue that's been dominating my summer thus far. Therefore...
Duckstar Games presents:
Red Duck Redemption
Conquer the wild wild Western Conference.
In Red Duck Redemption, you play the part of John Mallardston, a former outlaw who used to run in with the Pacific Division Gang. You are blackmailed by the government to bring some of your former divisionmates to justice, but the storyline starts at the end of last season, when you are shot repeatedly and left for dead.
You begin gameplay as a ranchhand on the Offseason Ranch, where you begin to acquire skills and resources that you'll use the following season against your old Pacific Division foes. By performing tasks and side missions, you eventually move your way off the ranch and into the Regular Season region, where you finally encounter the opponents you have been hunting.
Transport a hogtied Bobby Ryan to contract jail before intervening GMs ambush you with an offer sheet!
Some of the missions are somewhat menial, and some are definitely more action-paced, but throughout the game there will be plenty of challenges to keep you on your cowboy-boot toes!
Collect enough Finnish Flowers and Beaver Tails to woo Teemu Selanne into playing another year!
Be prepared to duel rival members of the Pacific Division Gang!
Once you have sufficiently played through the Regular Season region, if you've done well enough you'll unlock the northern Playoff Valley missions, which will really put your skills to the test. Make sure to stock up on plenty of ammo and medicine!
Collect pelts from all your victorious hunting expeditions!
Missions not pictured: the shootout at the Wisniewski Arbitration Corral, cheating at Koivu Poker, the attack on Fort Lydman.
Anyways, I was telling my Ducks buddy this morning the big news that prospect Mat Clark has only one 't' in his first name, and he had the appropriate response, I think: "Dude, it's a dead offseason." Even so, sorry for the incessant Red Dead idiocy -- it'll tire pretty soon.
The important thing is: scanner's back online. Yee haw!
Go Ducks.
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