Ken Holland: Alright, guys, we gotta do something about Lou. He's acting like a Goddamn maniac and frankly, I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Mike Gillis: I know, he's always been insane but he's been even more crazy lately.
Paul Holmgren: He's been drinking and smoking and getting around the salary cap and it's like, hey, why aren't you doing those things with me?
Ken: I mean, we've all circumvented the cap a little bit here and there but he's gone way overboard with this Kovalchuk contract.
Mike: Yeah, I think we may need to accuse him of circumvention.
Paul: I completely agree. It's like, circumvention? What does that even mean?
Ken: ...What? You know, I think we may need to talk to you about you circumventing grade school.
Mike: Yeah man, you've gotten REALLY DUMB lately. Besides, you know what circumvention is: it's what you tried to do with Pronger but you screwed up and now his contract counts no matter what.
Paul: Haha, OK, Pronger's contract counts no matter what... wait, is that true?
Ken: You're an idiot.
Paul: That's not the point! The point is, Lou's circumventuating the cap. AND he won't play One Up Sather anymore.
Mike: What's One Up Sather?
Paul: ...It's a secret.
Mike: Is it? Because it sounds like you call Glenn Sather and tell him you one-upped his offer on a free agent so he'll overbid.
Paul: WHO TOLD YOU???
Ken: Is that how you ended up with Danny Briere?
Paul: Screw you guys. S you in your A's, don't we-
(Suddenly, Lou Lamoriello walks in.)
Lou: Whoa, what's goi-
Holmgren, Gillis and Holland (in unison): AHA! CIRCUMVENTION! CIRCUMVENTION! CIRCUMVENTION!
Lou tries to pull a gun but it's wrestled away from him.
Lou: The hell you guys doing?
Ken: Haha, we got you! You've been circumventing the cap, haven't you???
Lou: What? No I'm not! I'm playin' by the rules!
Mike: No you're not you sick son of a bitch! You've been circumventing the cap!
Paul: Yeah, AND you won't play One Up Sather anymore!!!
Ken: Goddammit, Paul, no one wants to hear about how you and Lou call Glen Sather and get him to overpay free agents.
Paul: That's not what it is.
Lou: Actually, yeah, that's exactly what it is-
Paul: GodDAMMIT, Lou!!!
Mike: OK OK OK, everyone calm down! The fact of the matter is, Lou's been circumventing the cap and we caught him.
Lou: Hey look, maybe I circumvented the cap, maybe I didn't. I'm just saying, I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left so I’m gonna get real weird with it. Now give me a light; I'm gonna roast this bone.
Ken: You know guys, maybe we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe the problem isn't that Lou's circumventing the cap too much; maybe we're circumventing it too little.
Paul: You, you lost me.
Ken: I'm not surprised. But yeah, let's not fight. Now who wants wine in a can?
Mike: Sounds good to me!
(Suddenly, Dale Tallon bursts through the door being followed by Gary Bettman, AKA Gary the Snail.)
Dale: Stop touching me! Will you leave me alone?
Mike: Oh Goddammit.
Paul: Circumvention! Circumvention! Dale's circumventing being a normal person by hanging out with Gary the Snail!
Gary the Snail: Hey guys, wanna get high and hand out suspensions?
Ken: What the hell, Dale?
Dale: It's not my fault; I signed Marian Hossa and this asshole's been following me around ever since. I don't even work for the Blackhawks anymore you son of a bitch!
(Paul Holmgren emerges with a can of salt.)
Paul: Get outta here, snail! Yargh!
(Paul throws salt at Gary the Snail, driving him towards the door.)
Gary the Snail: Wait, wait!
Gary the Snail: ...I own a team in Phoenix.
Mike: Who the hell cares?
Paul: Go on, git! Screw you, Snail! Yarr! *flings salt