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Bailey's Newest Buddy

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Young Rudolph P. Kelly lies in bed, his loyal pooch at his feet. He begins to drift off to sleep when, off in the distance, he hears a low rumble. As it nears, he notices the sound as the familiar sound of an ATV. It gets louder and louder until there's a loud squeal right at his doorstep. He jumps out of bed and throws open his front door. There, standing in front of him, is...


Bailey: Waz up, compadre!!

Rudy: B-Bailey?

Bailey: That's right! Your friendly neighborhood lion, here to fuck shit up! Let's go get wasted!

Rudy: Bailey, it's like 11 at night. And it's a Thursday.

Bailey: Oh, so is that why you're wearing pajamas?

Rudy: ...They were a Christmas gift.

Bailey: From your boyfriend? Haha just kiddin' bro. Change outta that shit and let's go see if we can meet some chick and form an Eiffel Tower.

Rudy: An Eiffel Tow... Dude, that's disgusting.

Bailey: *Gives "Hang Loose" Sign

Rudy: Look, Bailey, it's cool that you want to hang out and all but... I have to get up early to-

Bailey: What the FUCK is that?

Rudy: That's, that's Maggie.

Bailey: A dog? You have a DOG??? Shit's not cool, man, shit's not cool.

Rudy: She's pretty harmle-

Bailey: Yeah, I see you looking at me, hound! I'm not some housecat you can bark at and scare away. I'm a lion! I will fuck you up! MEOW, MOTHER FUCKER!!!

*Maggie barks

Bailey: Ahh!!!

Rudy: Really, Bailey, I'm pretty tired and I have to go to work tomorrow. I can't really hang out.

Bailey: Oh c'mon buddy, quit being a pussy. I'll get an Ice Girl to show you her mane, if you know what I mean!

Rudy: No, I- wait, really?


No, Bailey, I really can't.

Bailey: I don't understand, you signed up to be my buddy, right?

Rudy: Well yeah, bu-

Bailey: Then why don't you want to hang out? Don't you like me?

Rudy: ...Sure, man, you're pretty cool, it's just tha-

Bailey: Why did you sign up to be my buddy if you didn't want to hang out?

Rudy: ...I wanted the bobblehead.

Bailey: I'm... I'm crushed. You broke my heart.

Rudy: Bailey, don't leave.

Bailey: No, I see how it is. I thought you were cool, man, but I guess I was wrong.

Bailey gets on his ATV and slowly drives away. He looks back forelornly only once, before disappearing off in the distance.

Rudy: What a strange cat.  Oh well. Hey Maggie, you want to go take a shower together?

*Maggie covers her eyes with her paws

Rudy: Oh Maggie, you card!