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Kings Gameday: Meet The King!

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Next Game

Chicago Blackhawks
@ Los Angeles Kings

Monday, Jan 3, 2011, 6:00 PM PST
Staples Center

Complete Coverage >

The NHL & Stan Lee unveiled their newest super hero, and guess what? It's The King! His super powers are super strength, seismic shift (?), a force field and making me uncomfortable just by his presence. Here's the video and... Jesus Christ, NHL, this would have been embarrassing in 1994, let alone 2011. I'm shocked The King isn't shooting pogs and wearing a slap wrist band.

Ryan Lambert brings up a solid point in this week's What We Learned: who is this aimed at? Kids don't read fucking comic books anymore unless they're Japanese and even if they did, they're smart enough to avoid marketing gimmicks like this one. I feel sorry for the kid who does get this comic or movie or whatever, because you know his parents are probably divorced and his dad is trying to connect with him but all the dad knows is that his kid likes hockey and hey, this is hockey, right?

And really, the biggest disappointment is that they missed a golden opportunity to get creative with their super powers. Instead of taking Shredder's head and giving him Sue Storm's powers (Jessica Alba makes me uncomfortable too), they could have given him super powers that are intristic to Los Angeles, like the ability to wear skinny jeans or bang your girlfriend or be a producer despite never actually doing anything. He should have a soft accent despite being born in Oxnard and a cell phone the size of a tic tac. It could have been awesome and they blew it.

This whole thing is embarrassing and stupid and I wouldn't be surprised if they cancel it before they finish all 30 teams. It's a marketing misstep on such a massive scale that it could only be done by the NHL. I don't even think Canadians are lame enough to watch this and they make DeGrassi. The only solace I'm going to take from this is that at least San Jose and Anaheim's super hero will probably be just as lame.

Prediction: Kings win, 6-0. All goals by The King. Thanks, seismic shift!