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Brent Burns: Mr. Fancy Pants

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Tuesday evening, Brent Burns tweeted the following:

My normatech machine just came in! It's unreal! Great machine any athlete or someone with injuries should check it out!

The link led to this picture:


I have spent the last hour staring at this picture. It has become my new God.

Do you doubt the glory of the image? Are you not impressed by Mustachioed Man Reclining in Robotic Sex-Pants (the image's proper title)?

Well don't worry - I can help. After the jump, I'll show you exactly how much awesome is contained in this picture.

(Spoiler alert: it's a lot of awesome.)

After he tweeted the Greatest Picture Ever, Brent followed up with this helpful explanation:

Haha great comments! Its actually a machine that is a massager.... Pushes all the lactic acid and bad blood out to your headr

I did some research into this "NormaTec" company and have learned a lot about how these magical pants work, and I'll pass that knowledge on to you below. But, even more important than the Pants, this image gives us a glimpse of Brent Burns in his natural habitat - so I'll point out some interesting features about BrentWorld as well.

With a picture this incredible, you have to break it down into manageable chunks. Let's start with the upper-left corner:


Next we have the upper-right:



Now the bottom-left, featuring the pants themselves:



And now for the final piece of the picture:


There you have it, everyone. I hope this has helped all of you to properly understand and appreciate Brent Burns and his Amazing Inflatable Pants.

Brent is probably still chilling out there on his floor, wearing his Pants and playing some Modern Warfare, or maybe reading that new book about dragons that he was so excited about. Just thinking about Brent there makes me think that maybe, just maybe...everything in the world is going to turn out okay.

At least the sex-pants related stuff in the world, anyway.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to spend several more hours staring at this image, while this song plays in the background.