Ducks Gameday -- The Trial of Jar Jar

Game Five: (5) Nashville Predators at (4) Anaheim Ducks , 7 pm
Series tied 2-2.
On The Forecheck and Anaheim Calling -- go see what Anaheim's next suspension will be about!

Sigh -- how did I know back when we acquired Jar Jar that this cartoon would one day come true?  Of course, I assumed back then that he would earn his suspension through traditional thug methods instead of the NHL inventing reasons to punish the guy, but hey -- it's a creative fucking league.

Speaking of creativity, through some BoC-devious methods, I was able to obtain a transcript of Ruutu's pre-suspension hearing with NHL Disciplinarian Colin Campbell -- well, it's not a transcript really, more of a sequenced record of events.  It's recorded in kind of an odd format, but I found the account interesting, at least:

 ¹ Then the Nashville media led Jarkko off to Colin Campbell. ² And they began to accuse him, saying, “We have found this man guilty of injuring our superstar.  He went after his head, I think, and it occurred at least nine frames too late.”

 ³ So Campbell asked Jarkko, “Are you the king of the Goons?”

   “You have said so,” Jarkko replied.

 ⁴ Then Campbell announced to the team representatives and the crowd, “I find no basis for a suspension against this man.”

 ⁵ But they insisted, “He injures people all over the ice by his elbows. He only plays six minutes a night.  He has a violent history.  Watch the video again.”

…

 ¹³ Campbell called together the team representatives, the reporters, and the people, ¹⁴ and said to them, “You brought me this man, the one who injured Nashville’s leading scorer.  I have examined his collision in your videos and have found no basis for suspension. ¹⁵ Neither have the on-ice referees, for it was a linesman who made the call.  As you can see, he has done nothing to deserve suspension. ¹⁶ Therefore, I will have him serve two minutes for interference and then release him.”

 ¹⁸ But the whole internet shouted, “Suspend this man!  Release Torres to us instead!” ¹⁹ (Torres had been reviewed for a different questionable hit.)

 ²⁰ Wanting to release Jarkko, Campbell appealed to them again.  "He was out killing a penalty in a one-goal game."  ²¹ But they kept shouting, “Suspend him!  Suspend him!  Give us Torres!”

 ²² For the third time he spoke to them: “Why?  What crime has Jarkko committed?  His elbows were down and there was no contact with the head.  I have found in him no grounds for suspension.  Therefore I will have him serve his 2-minute minor and then release him.”

 ²³ But with loud shouts and accusations they insistently demanded that he be suspended, and their shouts prevailed. ²⁴ So Campbell decided to grant their demand. ²⁵ He released Torres, the one they asked for, and sentenced Jarkko to suspension.

Sorry for the sacrilege, but I figured it was a timely tale of legal injustice.  :)  Join me in the game comments tonight for some Good Friday drama.

Prediction: Jarkko Ruutu is locked into a deep suspension until Easter morning, when Ducks fans wake to hear the good news: "He is eligible!"  "He is eligible indeed!"

Go Ducks.