Hamu Selännlet: A Finnish Soliloquy

To play, or not to play: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on the ice to suffer
The pains and injuries of another season,
Or to battle through a slew of defenders,
And by scoring defeat them? Or to retire: to skate
No more; and with a tearful announcement end
The body-aches and the thousand bruises
That hockey delivers, 'tis a tempting option
Definitely to be ponder’d. To retire, to rest;
To relax: perchance to golf: ay, there's the rub;

For on that fairway those regrets that come
When we have fired that last wrist shot
Must give us pause: there is a reason
That players pursue so long a career;
For who would bear all the hooks and grabs,
The defenders’ checks, the goaltender’s pads,
The era of the dead puck, the video review,
The east coast bias, and the surgeries and rehabs,
That constant tolling the body takes,
When he could flush all that bullshit away
With a mere announcement? who would train,
To grunt and sweat throughout the offseason,
Except for the terror of Life After Hockey,
That undiscover'd future from whose grip
No Niedermayer returns twice, panics the will
And makes us rather suffer those pains of playing
Than opt for a career we know not of?
Thus the "R" word does make cowards of us all;
And thus the seemingly brave decision to play
Is sicklied o'er with the fear of the unknown,
And even seasons of great scoring totals,
With this in mind, their temptations turn awry,
And we lose the ability to decide. - Wait you now!
My fair Duck fans! Anaheim, in thy anxious impatience
Be all my goals remember'd.