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Sharks Gameday: The Great Shakeout

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Earthquakes, Oilers vs. Sharks, The CBA, New BoC Writers, and Oscar Wilde.

Hey, custom captions are back! Hooray!
Hey, custom captions are back! Hooray!
Thearon W. Henderson - Getty Images

Chapter 1: Earthquakes

Oh shit earthquake!

In keeping with Battle of California's role as the official hockey blog of the California State Government, we bring you this public service announcement:

While some areas of California are more likely to have earthquakes than others (see below), all of California is at higher risk compared to the rest of the country. You could be anywhere when an earthquake strikes: at home, at work, at school, or even on vacation.

What we do now will determine our quality of life after our next big earthquake. Are you prepared to survive and recover quickly?

Are you ready for an earthquake? What would you do if there was a big one right....NOW?

Chapter 2: Oilers vs. Sharks

Final - 10.18.2012 1 2 3 Total
Edmonton Oilers 1 1 1 3
San Jose Sharks 1 1 3 5

Complete Coverage >

-Once again, these results from the latest game-that-wasn't come to us via THE SITE, which only seems to get weirder every time I look at it.

-Sharks win!

-Edmonton got a goal from Taylor Hall, who, I should remind you, looks like this:



-In perhaps the oddest event yet posited by THE SITE, the Sharks got two goals from Douglas Murray.

-Ryane Clowe is still suspended.

-Joe Thornton had three assists. He's the best!

As part of my continuing effort to figure out exactly what the hell THE SITE is all about (fan-fiction? the scribblings of a madman? Is there really a difference?) I posted a comment on this game report, asking if people thought a penalty Logan Couture received in the 2nd period for diving was justified. I'm curious to see what kind of replies I will get.

Chapter 3: The CBA

I have enough money bullshit to worry about in my own life without trying to parse the owners' publicly released deal, so I'm just going to rely on the same maxims that have served me well for years*:

In 99 percent of disagreements, the bad guys are the richer guys.

And in 99% of disagreements, the richer guys win.

So this new proposal is probably bullshit, the players will negotiate and get a slightly better deal, but in the end the owners will come out on top.

* = relying on the same Maxims for years is also a fair description of Rudy's masturbation practices in college.

Chapter 4: New BoC Writers

We have made our decision and notified our new writers. Official introductions should be coming next week.

Chapter 5: Books

An excerpt from Oscar Wilde's surprisingly amazing and prescient political essay, "The Soul of Man Under Socialism":

Up to the present, man has been, to a certain extent, the slave of machinery, and there is something tragic in the fact that as soon as man had invented a machine to do his work he began to starve. This, however, is, of course, the result of our property system and our system of competition. One man owns a machine which does the work of five hundred men. Five hundred men are, in consequence, thrown out of employment, and, having no work to do, become hungry and take to thieving. The one man secures the produce of the machine and keeps it, and has five hundred times as much as he should have, and probably, which is of much more importance, a great deal more than he really wants. Were that machine the property of all, every one would benefit by it. It would be an immense advantage to the community. All unintellectual labour, all monotonous, dull labour, all labour that deals with dreadful things, and involves unpleasant conditions, must be done by machinery. Machinery must work for us in coal mines, and do all sanitary services, and be the stoker of steamers, and clean the streets, and run messages on wet days, and do anything that is tedious or distressing. At present machinery competes against man. Under proper conditions machinery will serve man. [...]

The fact is, that civilisation requires slaves. The Greeks were quite right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible, uninteresting work, culture and contemplation become almost impossible. Human slavery is wrong, insecure, and demoralising. On mechanical slavery, on the slavery of the machine, the future of the world depends.[...]

Is this Utopian? A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at, for it leaves out the one country at which Humanity is always landing. And when Humanity lands there, it looks out, and, seeing a better country, sets sail. Progress is the realisation of Utopias.

Oscar Wilde is arguing that we need to develop robots to do all of our shit jobs so humans can just chill out and do work they actually want to do. Brilliant and exactly 100% right.