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Running Commentary: Kings vs. Flames

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Stream-of-consciousness account of a Kings-Flames game.

Photo of a Kings mite player
Photo of a Kings mite player
Jamie Sabau

Location: Glacial Gardens

Attendance: 53

League: Mite

First Period

-They don't serve beer? What the fuck. Some bullshit about it being 6 AM. Uh, it doesn't count as morning if I never went to sleep, dickhead.

-Action starts early. Kings win the opening draw when the Flames player was caught looking at his skate laces. What a stupid asshole.

-Oh, so apparently yelling stupid asshole is inappropriate. Some Flames fan gave me shit but I told him to shut up and go back to his pre-algebra homework. He totally did! Pussy.


-The Flames score on a breakaway. Where were you on that one, goalie? Get your fucking fingers out of the net! GodDAMMIT.

-Hahahaha, #12 on the Flames fell down! Hahahaha oh my god that's so funny. Fuck you, 12! I hope you die!

-Hey why is that lady moving

-Oh shit, those kids are going to fight! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT LIGHT 'EM UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

-Nevermind, they just both fell down. Pussies.

Second Period

-Wait, there are only 2 periods? The fuck is this shit? That's stu-


-Woooooooooooooooooooooo go Kings, mother fucker! Goal by some little shit on a sweet, Kopitar-esque move. Goalie had no chance because he sucks!




-Hahahahahaha holy shit is he crying? Oh my god he's crying! YES. I am a hero!

-Wait, what do you mean I have to leave? I'm a hockey fan! I have rights!

-ow my face

-i'm so depressed