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A Silver Lining To The Lockout

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What does this box do

Bruce Bennett - Getty Images

I'm kind of a naturally positive person. I don't really see the point in getting down on things, especially when they're things I can't control. This lockout, though, has tested that outlook to its extremes. It just seems so pointless, so childish, for the owners to treat the players in this manner. It's really testing my- FUCK YOU GUYS- patience, you know?

But, like I said, I'm a naturally positive person. There had to be something about this lockout that was ultimately a positive, right? I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't find anything. Finally, though, I was casually skimming the record books and I saw something that instantly brightened my day. Here it is:

Regular Season Goals:

10. Luc Robitaille- 668

12. Teemu Selanne- 663

Hahaha fuck you, Teemu! Thought you were going to pass Luc this season? Fuck nope! I hope the lockout lasts all year and you retire and you have to live your life knowing that not only is Luc Robitaille better looking than you, he's also the preeminent goal scorer in California hockey history.* Does it hurt, Teemu? I hope it hurts deep down inside. I hope you're at home, glumly driving your million dollar cars on your personal golf course, unable to find happiness in anything because you know, deep down, that Luc bested you. I hope you kill yourself.

Well anyway, I hope I was able to brighten your day a little bit. See how much better life can be when you choose to be positive?

*Marcel Dionne, Wayne Gretzky- "Hey, what the fuck?"