The hills we choose to die on

For fun, here's some other hills that others have chosen to die on:

The hill Teemu Selanne will die on: No player should be allowed to retire from the league without thinking about it for six months.

The hill Patrick Marleau will die on: Eye contact really should be taken out of the game.

The hill Corey Perry will die on: In regard to goaltenders, "avoiding contact" is an oxymoron and thus any such instruction must be ignored.

The hill Daniel Sedin will die on: If life was fair, he'd be twins with Henrik Lundqvist.

The hill Steve Ott will die on: I dunno, whatever assholes believe strongly in, I guess?

The hill Joe Thornton will die on: The quality of a player's NHL career can only be measured in division titles.

The hill Antti Niemi will die on: The quality of a player's NHL career can only be measured in the results of their first postseason.

The hill Brad Winchester will die on: There is no possible way to measure the quality of a player's NHL career.

The hill Drew Doughty will die on: Any person who is falsely investigated for rape charges ought to get their next rape for free.

The hill Alexander Ovechkin will die on: I guess Capitol Hill, since contract term limits are only now becoming necessary for NHL teams.

The hill Ryan Suter will die on: This lockout is all Zach Parise's fault.

The hill Cam Fowler will die on: There ought to be no more Movembers or any other facial hair related campaign. At least not for the next five years.

The hill Dustin Penner will die on: Getting injured while eating pancakes could happen to any NHLer.

The hill Roberto Luongo will die on: Nobody knows yet, but rumors are a-swirling!

The hill Anze Kopitar will die on: Raccoon Golgotha.

The hill Ryan Getzlaf will die on: Under normal circumstances, smiting night-clubbers should take no longer than three minutes.

The hill Jonathan Quick will die on: How 'bout this fucking hill right here?

The hill Dan Ellis will die on: The NHL's CBA demands will put too much money in owners' pockets, and they really don't need that kind of stress right now.

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Okay, that was a mediocre list, and there's really only one joke in there that I really wanted to tell. I probably should have involved BoC writing staff suggestions in putting this together, but BoC readers are a creative bunch too, and this is an easy enough exercise -- feel free to add your own entries in the comments!

And there's really no need that it be a players-only list; feel free to use owners, GMs, teams, announcers, or completely random entries. In perpetual BoC tradition, whatever!!! :)

Go hill dying.