clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Sharks Gameday: Justify My Hate

New, 215 comments
Daniel Winnik, stoned out of his freaking mind, yawns during a playoff game.
Daniel Winnik, stoned out of his freaking mind, yawns during a playoff game.

Next Game

St. Louis Blues
@ San Jose Sharks

Monday, Apr 16, 2012, 7:00 PM PDT
HP Pavilion

Complete Coverage >

Awesome gameday song NOT inspired by blues music: The Dubliners - The Rocky Road to Dublin

Fights! Dirty hits! Elbows! Sucker punches! Line brawls!

In the immortal words of Mr. Glen Frey: The Hate is On!

In game two the Sharks and Blues decided to try and beat the hell out of each other instead of playing hockey. This was a poor strategic decision for the Sharks. The Blues are better thugs. They have to be. After all, remember what we learned about the area surrounding their home arena. It's a war-zone. T.J. Oshie probably has to beat off a half-dozen guys every day just to get to work (the other three he does for fun). The Sharks can't compete with that.

To win game three, the Sharks will need to focus on the "scoring goals" part of hockey rather than the extra-curricular stuff. Just tell Clowe he is free to do whatever is necessary (including fighting guys who happen to skate by the bench) to keep things under control and that will be the end of it.

Since the Sharks players seem to have found some good reasons to hate the Blues, it's time we the fans join in as well. Prior to this series many San Jose fans may not have known much about the Blues or felt any particular animosity towards them. Who the hell cares about Vladimir Sobotka anyways?

But now, with Playoff Hate in full swing, we need reasons to boo each and every single Blues player. Inspired in part by a similar post at St. Louis Game Time (but really more inspired by the time Rudy and I did this about the Sharks and Kings) I present:

Reasons to Hate Every Player on the Blues

Kris Russell: Always tries to do the "knuckle puck" in practice. It's not funny anymore, Kris.

Patrik Berglund: Thinks that lakes are better than oceans.

Andy McDonald: You know how when Puck Daddy runs their team eulogies the comments are always full of complete morons who totally miss the point? Every single one of those comments is from Andy McDonald.

Barret Jackman: Like most people in St Louis, he hates Jews.

Kevin Shattenkirk: Always leaves the toilet seat soaking wet with tears.

B.J. Crombeen: Killed Superman.

Alex Pietrangelo: Has a stupid face.

Carlo Colaiacovo: Hates Jews.

Matt D'Agostini: You have to get the punctuation and spacing EXACTLY RIGHT or SB Nation won't auto-link his name. Screw you, Matt. I've got things to do.

David Backes: Laughed twice during The Love Guru.

Scott Nichol: Used to be friends with Brodie Brazil.

Jamie Langenbrunner: Hates Jews.

Vladimir Sobotka: Hates Jews.

Alexander Steen: Jewish.

Jason Arnott: Very superstitious, and refuses to wash any of his hockey gear when he has a point streak going. He also never washes any of his underpants, but that's not a superstition thing - he's just gross.

Roman Polak: Vegan and really preachy about it.

David Perron: He got in Joe Thornton's way.

T.J. Oshie: T.J.? Hah! What a stupid name! What are you, five years old?

Jaroslav Halak: Says that the current season of The Office is the best one ever.

Brian Elliott: Stubbornly refuses to be injured.

Jake Allen: Who? Oh he just got called up from the minors to dress as Elliott's backup? Hmmm...I don't really know anything about him. So let's go with, uh..."doesn't recycle."

There you go everybody! Perfectly legitimate and 100% truthful reasons to hate every player on the St. Louis BLOSERS! Make sure you boo the shit out of them in the arena tonight and also send them childish/frighteningly psychopathic insults on twitter!


Prediction: Playing in the glorious city of Saint Joseph, the Sharks win 3-2.