If there's one thing I know, it's dogs. If there's two things I know, it's dogs and hot dudes. If there are three things I know, it's dogs, hot dudes and hockey. (Yep, hockey is only my 3rd biggest area of expertise. If you want to bask in my brilliance in other areas, you can check out my other two blogs: Battle of Dogifornia and MeatTrain.com.) As a purveyor of hot dudes and a hot dude myself, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what makes a man attractive. If you're questioning my credentials, go ahead and raise your hand if you were named your city's cutest baby by the local newspaper. Go on, raise your hand. I'll wait.
*Ahem*
Now, with that in mind, I can not tell you how dismayed I was by the recent list published by the "Female" magazine, Cosmopolitan. Their list of the "Hottest Guys Of The NHL" (of?) is ludicrous, scandalous, outrageous. 10/1 it was made by an ugly woman or a Canadian. I, for one, won't stand for this! I and my brother, a fellow hot dude you know as Nut, set about to rectify Cosmo's terrible list. Read on and be prepared to get the vapors!
(Click the names for visual evidence)
Pacific
They picked... Bobby Ryan
We picked... Teemu Selanne
They picked... Brenden Morrow
We picked... Loui Eriksson
They picked... Dustin Brown
We picked... Davis Drewiske
They picked... Shane Doan
We picked... Chris Summers
They picked... Antti Niemi
We picked... Dan Boyle
Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him board me from behind!
Central
They picked... Patrick Sharp
We picked... Jamal Mayers
They picked... Rick Nash
We picked... John Moore
They picked... Nicklas Lidstrom
We picked... Darren Helm
They picked... Mike Fisher
We picked... Mike Fisher
They picked... T.J. Oshie
We picked... Brian Elliott
Cosmo hockey tagline- I hope that's not a COMPOSITE STICK!
(...what?)
Northwest
They picked... Mike Cammalleri
We picked... Mikael Backlund
They picked... Matt Duchene
We picked... Gabriel Landeskog
They picked... Ales Hemsky
We picked... No one
They picked... Mikko Koivu
We picked... Mikko Koivu
They picked...Ryan Kesler
We picked... Keith Ballard
Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him spend a MAJOR in my box!
Atlantic
They picked... Zach Parise
We picked... Zach Parise
They picked... John Tavares
We picked... Jay Pandolfo
They picked... Henrik Lundqvist
We picked... Henrik Lundqvist
They picked... Wayne Simmonds
We picked... Andreas Lilja
They picked... Sidney Crosby
We picked... Richard Park
Cosmo hockey tagline- He can SHOOT all over me anytime!
Northeast
They picked... Milan Lucic
We picked... Gregory Campbell
They picked... Jason Pominville
We picked... Brayden McNabb
They picked... Max Pacioretty
We picked... Brad Staubitz
They picked... Erik Karlsson
We picked... Alexandre Daigle
They picked... Mikhail Grabovksi
We picked... Tyler Bozak
Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him POWER PLAY with my boobs!
Southeast
They picked... Cam Ward
We picked... Jeff Skinner
They picked... Kris Versteeg
We picked... Jose Theodore
They picked... Martin St. Louis
We picked... Steve Yzerman
They picked... Mike Green
We picked.... Roman Hamrlik
They picked... Andrew Ladd
We picked... Grant Clitsome
Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd suck HIS cock!
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