Google Image Search is a fast way to find a variety of pictures relating to a certain thing. When you search for a hockey team name, you get hundreds of results relating to that team: the logo, famous players, merchandise, etc. But when you scroll waaaaaaaaay down past all the most popular results, you can find strange and frightening things that are connected to that team's name
For each NHL team I searched for the team's name and have identified the most embarrassing, shameful, or simply insane image that comes up. Here they are for your enjoyment, along with a brief tidbit about what each picture can teach us about the team, fanbase, players, or whatever.
What the fuck is that?
Ryan Getzlaf and some folks in the whitest picture ever taken.
What does this teach us?
Getzlaf is a dork and a half who should never allow himself to be seen without wearing several hats and a full diving helmet.
What the fuck is that?
Some advertisement that for some reason comes up when you search for "Boston Bruins."
What does this teach us?
Boston fans are all fat.
What the fuck is that?
A 36 dollar 3D replica of that Buffalo logo everyone hated. It doesn't say anywhere how big it is so I'm going to assume it's ten feet tall. It's still wildly overpriced.
What does this teach us?
There is no God.
What the fuck is that?
That's Jay Feaster, GM of the Calgary Flames.
What does this teach us?
The GM of the Calgary Flames is a giant fat lesbian baby.
What the fuck is that?
It's a horrible denim hat with the Hurricanes alternate logo on it, currently on sale for only 99 cents! Hurry - there are only two left!
What does this teach us?
There are two Hurricanes fans who are not stupid denim-loving rednecks. Either that or those two guys don't like hats.
What the fuck is that?
A butt-ugly pink-washed clock thing from a website that crashed as soon as I tried to visit it, probably as a form of electronic suicide due to its shame over offering this piece of shit for sale.
What does this teach us?
In Chicago Blackhawks land, it's always vagina o'clock.
What the fuck is that?
A glittery motherfucker of an animated .gif file.
What does this teach us?
I don't know but I think I'm having a seizureafdaf afd a239029299999999999
What the fuck is that?
A piggy bank that says "Born to be a Blue Jackets Fan" on it.
What does this teach us?
Some parents hate their children and enjoy tormenting them. Seriously this thing might as well say "Born to Live a Life of Pain and Despair."
What the fuck is that?
Hahaha remember these fucking things?
What does this teach us?
Look at his metal boots. They're molded around his individual toes. That can't be comfortable.
What the fuck is that?
A really giant fancy wallpaper featuring Marian Hossa in a Red Wings uniform.
What does this teach us?
Sometimes, even the fanciest of lens flare effects can fail.
What the fuck is that?
A 22" x 34" poster of Mathieu Garon in an Oilers uniform. On sale for about 3 dollars.
What does this teach us?
The Oilers will make posters out of ANYBODY.
What the fuck is that?
A defaced Peanuts cartoon from SBNation's own Litter Box Cats, the grossest-named sports blog in the world.
What does this teach us?
Linus is a Panthers fan and also a bit of an asshole. Oh and if you Google image search "Florida Panthers" you get quite a lot of the actual animal that lives in Florida.
What the fuck is that?
A fan-made skin for the Sims.
What does this teach us?
There are some Kings fans who are even more pathetic and lonely than our own RudyKelly.
What the fuck is that?
Homemade Minnesota wild rice and mushroom soup.
What does this teach us?
Minnesota wild rice apparently has a "grassy" aroma while cooking. Yum?
What the fuck is that?
A stop sign thing warning you to stay out of "Canadiens Country," because apparently Canadiens fans are dangerous. Like they're all probably serial rapists or something.
Aw man, it's out of stock.
What does this teach us?
The Canadiens team logo works as the letter "C" and contains the letter "H" but god damn it the logo can't ALSO be an "O" you bastards.
What the fuck is that?
Some big fat idiot who showed off his big fat painted stomach while the Predators got dismantled by the Coyotes in the playoffs.
What does this teach us?
Having no dignity can help you meet celebrities:
"I have been fortunate to meet lots of celebrities. I met Carrie [Underwood] and Vince [Gill]. We are all just Preds fans," he said, adding, "In the arena she is not Carrie Underwood, she is Ms. Fisher, she is Mike's wife. She is a hockey fan and we are just hockey fans."
What the fuck is that?
A trash-talking image from the Myspace page for "New Jersey Devils hockey." Oh man, remember Myspace?
What does this teach us?
Some people actually do use the Jokerman font.
What the fuck is that?
Everybody knows. It's one of the worst jerseys ever.
What does this teach us?
If you look at the wavy bottom of this jersey for too long you throw up.
What the fuck is that?
An official advertisement from the Rangers that appeared in Newsday, as reported by deadspin.com.
What does this teach us?
The Rangers are based in one of the media capitals of the world but apparently their marketing team is full of rubes.
What the fuck is that?
Members of the band KISS receiving Ottawa Senators jerseys.
What does this teach us?
Members of the band KISS have all thrown Ottawa Senators jerseys into the garbage.
What the fuck is that?
What are you, blind? That's quite clearly Benjamin Franklin dropping the puck for a faceoff. I think this may have had something to do with new Flyers jerseys.
What does this teach us?
Benjamin Franklin is still alive, and he will come to your bullshit media event in exchange for some beer, kites, and dirty French prostitutes.
What the fuck is that?
A piss-poor cartoon by some joker on AOL.
What does this teach us?
Coyotes are very difficult to draw from an off-set rear angle.
What the fuck is that?
An extremely muscular penguin furry thing drawn by a guy on deviantart. He also drew this.
What does this teach us?
The true meaning of fear.
What the fuck is that?
An art print of some music thing that is one of many music things called "St. Louis Blues."
What does this teach us?
Blues fans are even more racist than we thought.
What the fuck is that?
It's an anime-style picture drawn by someone on deviant art. I'm not sure if the picture depicts an original character or the most famous anime guy/girl around. If you want to know more you can probably ask blog reader Diamondback15, our official anime expert.
What does this teach us?
Sharks fans are nerdy as hell. But everyone already knew that.
What the fuck is that?
An advertisement for tryouts for the Lightning cheerleading team.
What does this teach us?
Not only does the Lightning cheerleading team have dudes on it, it has wispy blond dudes in giant baggy army pants. That's stupendous.
What the fuck is that?
A Leafs tattoo sleeve. You can buy it for about 13 dollars.
What does this teach us?
Toronto fans all wish they were shit-heads from Riverside.
What the fuck is that?
An unfortunate image from the Canucks' 2011 playoff run.
What does this teach us?
Never ever ever create images like this.
What the fuck is that?
Yikes! That's old-timey Capitals mascot Winger.
What does this teach us?
I think someone dosed me with LSD.
What the fuck is that?
Some crazy fool.
What does this teach us?
There are flamboyant, attention-starved theater majors in every state and province.
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