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Victory Lap: My Day With The Cup

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6AM-10PM: Try not to make that face. <em>Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE</em>
6AM-10PM: Try not to make that face. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee/Image of Sport-US PRESSWIRE

6:30 AM: Wake up with the Cup

6:32 AM-33 AM: Fuck it

6:34 AM-10:50 AM: Sleep

10:51 AM-11:00 AM: Try to fuck it, can't get up, cry softly

11:01 AM-12:00 PM: Drive around Earl Sleek's place of business, yell, "Fuck you!" through a megaphone (note: I do this every day)

12:01 PM-12:14 PM: Engage in high speed chase to prevent Phil Pritchard from taking the Cup back

12:15 PM-12:50 PM: Fill Cup with Chipotle, take picture, send it to DogerBlueBalls

12:51 PM-2:00 PM: Pee in Cup, try to trick people into drinking out of it by saying it's beer

2:01 PM-2:43 PM: Run from Phil Pritchard, hide in dumpster for a while with Cup

2:22 PM-2:23 PM: Fuck it

2:44 PM-5:00 PM: Drive to Megalodon's place of business, laugh, laugh, laugh some more

5:01 PM-5:15 PM: Carefully chisel the names Patrick Roy & Rob Blake off the Cup

5:16 PM: See name "Dick Boon" on Cup, laugh

5:17 PM-5:41 PM: Drive to Disneyland

5:42 PM-5:47 PM: Enter Disneyland, head to Fantasyland

5:48 PM-5:51 PM: Engage in hand-to-hand combat with Phil Pritchard atop the Matterhorn, finally sending him plunging off the side to the watery depths below

5:52 PM-6:28 PM: Teacups

6:29 PM-7:00 PM: Fill Cup with chicken wings at ESPNZone, watch baseball

7:00 PM: Remember that I never washed the Cup after I peed in it

7:01 PM-7:10 PM: Think about how my pee actually doesn't taste half bad

7:11 PM-8:12 PM: Drive home GODDAMMIT I ONLY LIVE LIKE 20 MILES AWAY

8:13 PM-9:29 PM: Lie down and think about all the years I waited and hoped and prayed that I could someday spend just 1 moment with the Cup and how it's finally here

9:30 PM-9:32 PM: Fuck it