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Twit-Sharks: Brent Burns

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Oh boy, you folks are in for a treat today!

Or should I say you're in for a........tweet?


Today we're going to talk about one of the greatest things to ever happen on the Internet: Brent Burns' Twitter account!

This isn't the first time I've covered @Burnzie88 on Battle of California. Here is the story of the time we became best friends, and here is the magical tale of Brent's robot sex pants.

He's just the best.

Sample Tweets


Yup. It just gets better from here everyone!


Hashtag bigclaws #




Funnily enough, that tweet from Brent Burns' daughter is less childish than about 80% of Brent's normal tweets.


This picture was part of an ongoing war between Burns and Clowe. You can read more about it here.

You guys. Brent Burns put his little dragon toys all over a sleeping Ryane Clowe.



Ain't nothing wrong with flannel Elmo pants.


Brent Burns has tweeted a few times about the Inheritance books, which you may know as the books with the dragon faces on the covers that they sell at grocery stores.

Also, "crush nap."


I'm starting a petition to replace every single image on the entire Internet with this one. Everyone's cool with that, right?


Oh no my daughter figured out how to design and apply tattoos to my body and also how to take upside-down pictures of those tattoos and post them to Twitter!


Imagine if Brent Burns was your older brother. He would probably buy you beer if you agreed to play Skylanders with him or against him or however the fuck that game works.


Only eight people in the world liked this tweet enough to retweet it...and Brent Burns was one of them.


Kickstarter idea: A series of audiobooks where Brent Burns reads popular young-adult novels. Imagine his voice reading you Hungry Games or Harry Potter?



Tweets per week: 18.7

Brent Burns has been tweeting since late June of 2011. He tweets fairly regularly, especially when a new Skylander thing comes out, and he also retweets a lot of charity and military stuff.

Spelling and Grammar: C

Brent Burns is actually slightly worse than Ryane Clowe in this department, though with Burns the mistakes tend to come across as being due to youthful exuberance rather than Clowe's Cro-Magnon struggles with the written word.

Entertainment: A+

Brent Burns isn't just the most entertaining tweeter on the Sharks, he's one of the greatest tweeters in world history. If you only follow one San Jose Shark, one NHL player, or one person (aside from me of course), Brent Burns is your man.

Boy I really didn't think this Twit-Sharks series through very well, did I? Only the second entry and we've already peaked.

Damn it. What in the hell am I going to do?

Previous entries in the Twit-Sharks series:

Ryane Clowe