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Patrick Kane Looks Like A Girl

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Mar 21, 2012; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Blackhawks right wing Patrick Kane (88) sits on the bench during the second period against the Vancouver Canucks at the United Center. Mandatory Credit: Rob Grabowski-US PRESSWIRE

Patrick Kane looks like a girl.

Not, like, "Hahaha what a WOMAN that guy is," like he legit looks like a girl. Not a pretty one, either. He looks like a college sophomore girl, probably a biology major, the one you see sitting on a curb at 2:30 in the morning crying outside Phi Kappa Theta because she had come to the party all excited because Jon from Sociology had invited her and he's soooo cute but then he spent the whole time talking to Marian (even though she's a total slut and she doesn't even know who Wild Nothing is) and then Patty's heel broke because she never wears heels but was trying to impress Jon and she can't find her friends and she doesn't know what was in that drink and she hates school and she doesn't know what to do.

That's what Patrick Kane looks like.