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F*** The Owners

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That lady in the background sees Bettman's true, hideous face. It looks an awful lot like his actual face. (Photo by Andy Marlin/Getty Images for the NHL)
That lady in the background sees Bettman's true, hideous face. It looks an awful lot like his actual face. (Photo by Andy Marlin/Getty Images for the NHL)
Getty Images for the NHL

Hey, owners: fuck you. You suck and I hate you. I'm so goddamn sick of your stupid bullshit and I wish you'd all... go to a different place that isn't this earthly plane. (Die.) You guys are so full of shit that I can't even get within 200 feet of you because of the stench. You're losing money? Fuck you. You want competitive balance? Fuck you. You like to fuck yourself? Fuck you. I hate you I hate you I hate you. Fuck Ed Snider for being a emotionally imbalanced old prick, fuck Philip Anschutz for basically being a evangelical Hank Scorpio, fuck Mike Ilitch because the cheese on his pizzas are gross, and fuck Ted Leonisis because he seems nice but who the hell cares.

And fuck Gary Bettman, too. Either he's an evil dickhead (like a literal dickhead, his head looks like a dick) or he's just an amoral one and I'm honestly not sure which is worse. At least the owners get profit from fucking over their lessers, Bettman just gets the satisfaction of knowing that he's continued to push back the labor movement in this country. You are a bad person, Gary Bettman, and I hope that's the last thing you think about before you die.

I hate you too, guy who thinks they should just split the money 50/50 and call it a day. You're a piece of equivocating garbage and I hope you get hit with a truck carrying garbage. This shit isn't South Park, you don't just go, "Welp, maybe they're both wrong!" and then go on with your miserable existence, fucking your miserable wife, raising your miserable kids. There is one party that's wrong, the owners, and they are wrong. Fuck them. They suck and I hate them. I'm so goddamn sick of their stupid bull- oh wait I said that already.

None of you give a shit about what's important: me. I'm what matters here and I swear to God if I have to go through another lockout bad things are going to happen to good people. I had college to distract me through the last lockout and I almost literally died. They had to pump CHL games into my veins just to keep me going. I had to find youth hockey games to go to and do you realize how hard that is to do when you have a restraining order and a violent erection against you? It's really hard. Much like my violent ere

The worst part about this is that I already know the owners are going to win and we're just going to have to eat shit and like it just like everything else in this miserable cocksucking world. The NFLPA and NBAPA got fucking rolled even though their leagues are actually well-run and we all should have seen this coming from a mile fucking away but nooooo the Kings distracted us. Jesus, even the goddamn referees in the NFL are getting completely fucked over and I have to watch a bunch of goobers call Atlanta "Arizona" and declare defensive holding a 10-yard penalty. Everything's built around socializing the losses and privatizing the profits nowadays and it's fucking bullshit but nobody cares and goddammit where's my Che Guevara shirt with Homer Simpson on it. I have to put up with this bullshit every goddamn day and all I want is to forget the unceasing pain that is my life with a little hockey at the end of the night and then these fuckers have to pull this bullshit on me.


In conclusion, if this lockout isn't resolved I am going to start hitting Maggie and also Earl. You have 3 days.

Yeah, I know the lockout doesn't officially start until September 15th. Fuck you.