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Potty Mouths: The SB Nation Hockey Blog Profanity Rankings

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Which of the SB Nation hockey blogs are most in need of having their mouths washed out with soap?

Mike Ridewood

One of the greatest strengths of the SB Nation network is the way it has managed to combine the passionate and honest voices of real fans with the structure and organization of a professional sports journalism community. Writing for an SB Nation blog allows average fans like me to share our views with the world, and in return we provide unique content that you just can't find anywhere else.

It's a beautiful, mutually-beneficial partnership.

With all that in mind, I took a look at the 31 different SB Nation hockey blogs, searched for the word "fuck" on each of them, and noted how many articles have appeared on each site containing that particular profanity. Here are the results:

Team Blog Articles containing "Fuck"
Florida Panthers Litter Box Cats 0
Dallas Stars Defending Big D 0
Washington Capitals Japers' Rink 0
Pittsburgh Penguins Pensburgh 0
New Jersey Devils In Lou We Trust 1
Carolina Hurricanes Canes Country 1
Columbus Blue Jackets The Cannon 2
New York Islanders Lighthouse Hockey 2
New York Rangers Blueshirt Banter 2
Nashville Predators On the Forecheck 2
Boston Bruins Stanley Cup of Chowder 3
Tampa Bay Lightning Raw Charge 5
Buffalo Sabres Die By The Blade 5
Anaheim Ducks Anaheim Calling 6
Ottawa Senators Silver Seven 7
Phoenix Coyotes Five for Howling 7
Winnipeg Jets Arctic Ice Hockey 10
Calgary Flames Matchsticks and Gasoline 26
Montreal Canadiens Eyes on the Prize 29
Philadelphia Flyers Broadstreet Hockey 30
Minnesota Wild Hockey Wilderness 33
Los Angeles Kings Jewels from the Crown 35
Edmonton Oilers Copper and Blue 43
San Jose Sharks Fear the Fin 43
Detroit Red Wings Winging it in Motown 50
Colorado Avalanche Mile High Hockey 132
Toronto Maple Leafs Pension Plan Puppets 145
Chicago Blackhawks Second City Hockey 397
Vancouver Canucks Nucks Misconduct 413
California Battle of California 612
St. Louis Blues St. Louis Game Time 746

Remember that these numbers only count the number of articles that contain at least one "fuck," not the raw number of "fucks." With pieces like this and this, the grand total for Battle of California is much higher than 612 (both of those posts contain more f-words on their own than the totals for roughly half of the other blogs, in fact). Of course, we owe a very very large percentage of our 612 fuck articles to Rudy, who is no longer with us. Jer, Dunn, and I are going to have to work hard to properly honor his legacy.

So what does this data tell us? Well first it demonstrates quite clearly that the majority of SB Nation hockey writers are pussies. We all know that bad words are awesome, and not swearing is lame. Seriously, what's wrong with you people? Battle of California has said "fuck" more often than the bottom 27 hockey blogs COMBINED. We rule, you guys are being babies, and you should all grow up and start writing like you give a shit.

Secondly, I have some remarks for the "writers" over at St. Louis Game Time. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. The rest of us are trying to be taken seriously as journalists, and your embarrassing antics aren't helping. Show some common decency please, or at the very least some semblance of self-respect. You're writing for public consumption here, not shouting in some disgusting locker room or dive bar. Your penchant for profanity is inappropriate, juvenile, and offensive. You're hurting the SB Nation brand and, by extension, Battle of California itself. As bloggers we are already facing an uphill battle for recognition in a crowded media marketplace, and your childish, low-class scribblings are acting as an anchor which burdens the rest of us mature professionals.

I mean it: cut it the fuck out, St. Louis Game Time. You guys are being dickheads.