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Circle of Jerks: Dunn on Meg

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Everyone's favorite BoC gal answers some stupid questions

One could only hope for such geometric wads
One could only hope for such geometric wads

Well, unlike Jer and myself, Megalodon Q. Pennyfeathers or whatever the fuck his name is has been here at Battle of California for a while. He has written a book. That's about it. Here are some lame Shark related questions I asked in an attempt to uncover the dark truth behind his real identity. And the upcoming season regarding the Sharks. That too.

Question 1: How many games will Martin Havlat actually play you think? I know you said he won't get hurt, but you seem smarter than that. And will his production pick up? (yeah I know that's two)

Meg: Well considering Martin Havlat's injury last season was sustained during a line change, I hope McLellan has him working on that exclusively during training camp. Maybe he can do it with a weighted vest on, or he can change lines around some orange cones and stuff. Before long he'll be the greatest line changer who has ever played! And then he'll get hurt drinking from his water bottle or something.

Seriously, I think last year involved a whole lot of bad luck for Havlat and the Sharks that I don't expect to see repeated. Havlat will play at least 40 games, and he'll have at least 30 points. In this shortened season, that'll be fine.

Question 2: Do the Sharks have the means, and do you think they will, to improve their depth up front. Because, yeah, those third and fourth lines are really, really bad.

Meg: The Sharks don't really have a lot of pieces left to trade away. Obviously you can't trade away minor league forwards to get NHL-quality forwards. They might have an extra piece or two on defense - IF everyone was healthy, which they are not. Nobody has ever seen what Thomas Greiss can really do, so nobody will trade for him.

The best bet is going to be either signing someone like Scott Gomez (crazy!) or, my personal preference, offer-sheet the fuck out of Ryan O'Reilly and Jamie Benn and lure them away from a conference rival. That would be so awesome. Having one of those two on the third line would go a long way towards making the Sharks a more balanced team, and that player would also fit in just fine on the second line when Havlat inevitably gets hurt.

Question 3: Do you think Dan Ellis goes around laughing at poor people, or does he hire people to go around and make fun of poor people for him?

Meg: Dan Ellis doesn't walk around on the ground like a common pauper. He floats overhead in one of his hot air balloons, peering down with sick fascination through a telescope at the filthy lives average people lead. His laughter is so loud that it can sometimes be heard by those walking around on the ground, who attribute the mysterious sound to thunder or wind mocking them.