I'm not going to lie, I have not kept up with the Tampa Bay Lightning in the slightest lately. Especially last year with the Eastern Conference kept separate. And I doubt any of you have also. You may have kept tabs on Steven Stamkos, but you sure as shit weren't following the Lightning. Hell, even Stamkos isn't that exciting. Sure, he may have won the Hart, but he doesn't have the flashiness of Alex Ovechkin, the ridiculousness of Jonathan Cheechoo, or the controversy from the flat out belief that god doesn't exist because somehow Corey Perry won the Hart also.
So who do the Lightning have currently? Good question! Let's find out...
Alex Killorn, center
Alex here is from Halifax and also looks like he may be a few cards short of a full deck. After trying to do some research on Mr. Killorn I was only able to come up with a twitter account for "killorn", who is a self described "pun-dumpster", is in "witness protection", posts a lot of pictures of food, and is a blonde woman. Searching for Killorn on Google lead to the result of actually be asked if I "meant Klingon", which probably could result in a few Alex Killorn pages as well considering he looks like his parents probably met at Comic-Con in 1988 during a Star Trek: Next Generation panel. Very interesting life lead so far, Alex.
Mark Barberio, defense
Now we finally have a guy that is easy to track. Barberio is Italian (who knew?), and roughly translates to barber. Ironically, this guy needs a haircut. His family even has a crest. Just like in Game of Thrones! The Barberio's have three white fish on a red shield under a helmet. Which means he probably fucked someone in his immediate family. I mean, c'mon. He looks cross-eyed.
Richard Panik, right winger
Hey guys, no need to "Panik"! Richard here also looks like a long lost relative of Daniel Craig. With brain damage.
Ondrej Palat, left winger
This guy looks a lot like Ed from Ed, Edd, and Eddy.
Radko Gudas, defense
"Gudas" roughly translates to "butternut squash head", and "Radko" means "JESUS H. RODRIGUEZ, LOOK AT MY FUCKING GLORIOUS BEARD".
Andrej Sustr, defense
What the fuck is wrong with people coming out of the Czech Republic?
Tuesday, Oct 15, 2013, 4:30 PM PDT
Tampa Bay Times Forum
After starting the season looking like crap (again!), the Kings played their best game Sunday against the Florida Panthers, who, and let's be honest, suck balls. So they won. Thanks to goal scoring dynamos Dan Carcillo and Jordan Nolan, the Kings were able to gain their third straight win, and their first win this season that didn't come past regulation. Does it mean all rainbows and tossed salads? Not quite, but it's a good sign showing that the Kings can look like their dominant selves.
Prediction: All good feelings are put on hold again following a 2-1, very 2011 like, loss.
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