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Los Angeles Kings Gameday: Tire Fires

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Calgary is staving off the inevitable

Drew Doughty, shooting the puck and a member of the Flames
Drew Doughty, shooting the puck and a member of the Flames
Jeff Gross

This has been an odd start to the NHL season. The Toronto Maple Leafs and Anaheim Ducks are on a course to try and defy advanced statistics (AGAIN), the Eastern Conference sucks compared to the West (less shocking), and the Colorado Avalanche are winning led by an abrasive (but entertaining) jackass coach. Less surprising is that the Calgary Flames are near the bottom of the Pacific division. But they haven't been as bad as a lot of people speculated. As one surmised of Calgary early on before the season kicked off:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>There’s a tire fire a-brewin’ in Calgary.</p>&mdash; Jo Innes (@JoNana) <a href="">September 5, 2013</a></blockquote>
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I think it was a pretty agreed upon belief. And while the Flames haven't reached any tires yet, the season is young. But what sort of tire fire will they be? We already know they have that capability to be a figurative one. That much is less of a "if?" and more of a "when?". But how about a literal tire fire? God knows Alberta has to have tires just laying around all over the damn place.


I'd say the chance of this is pretty high, but right now a flooded shit puddle seems to have dibs on Calgary, what with what all happened this past summer. A real shame, since that fire could keep them warm in the brutal months between September and May.

But fear not! There is another tire fire Calgary can lay claim to before they reach the figurative level. We turn to Urban Dictionary yet again for enlightenment.

The act of two heavily obese persons having sexual intercourse with such vigor and friction that two spare tires create a blaze of fire.

While one could assume that the Mid-Western United States would have already claimed this definition, the problem they have is the "vigor" element. Heart disease has plagued them, so there lies your opportunity Calgary. Hit up the Arby's, grab some Lipitor, and go for it. Make Edmonton jealous.

Calgary Flames
@ Los Angeles Kings

Monday, Oct 21, 2013, 7:30 PM PDT

Complete Coverage >

After two horrendous games, one that was thankfully stolen by Jonathan Quick for a shootout win, the Kings rebounded huge at home. Despite trailing at first and giving up the equalizing goal in the second period, Los Angeles thoroughly dominated the Dallas Stars this past Saturday. They were rewarded with another win, and for as god awful as they have looked at points so far this year they are doing alright in the standings early on. Jake Muzzin had arguably his best game of the year as well, so if there is a chance he gets bumped to the top pairing with Drew Doughty I can survive Alec Martinez sitting for a while. Lastly, I fully expect Jarret Stoll to be traded or relegated to the fourth line permanently the way his year has been playing out. Really ever since Raffi Torres lit him up during the playoffs. Thanks, Raffi.

Prediction: Kings fall back to letting Jonathan Quick do the heavy lifting again, except they finally lose in the shootout this time.

<h4>More from Battle of California:</h4>
<a href="">Los Angeles Kings Gameday: Still Backed Up</a>
<a href="">Ducks Gameday: Embarrassing Big D</a>
<a href="">Sharks Gameday: Woody House</a>
<a href="">Ducks Gameday: More Power</a>
<a href="">Los Angeles Kings Gameday: A Warning</a>